My chaplain has been preaching on the beatitudes lately and on how by living by these words we will follow more closely in the footsteps of Christ. This is so much easier said than done! (as is quite a bit in the Bible) I felt the need to look at these one by one, break them down and address their challenges. I cannot claim I came up with this thought all on my own...Chaplain LaPack is a motivating speaker!
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. It took me a long time to be able to understand this. The "poor in spirit" implies that you might be depressed or down. I always thought it meant people who did not find joy in this life. I now understand it to mean those who know just how poor their spirit is without Christ enriching it. Unless we recognize that we are not worthy then we cannot be poor in spirit and inherit the kingdom of heaven.
There is the challenge. Who wants to admit they are not good enough? Who wants to say out loud, without God's help the spirit that resides within them is dirty, broken and well, poor? It strips a person of their pride and brings a body to its knees. Ah, and there is the purpose of this beatitude. God despises pride...a thought in today's world that is not only foreign, but ,to many, silly. To not have pride in ones' self must mean that you are broken, or depressed. See how the world can twist what the Bible tells us? It is our challenge as followers of Christ to listen more to Him and less to them.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. At first look this verse is simple...those who are sad will be happy again. However, is that all we really want in life, just to be happy all the time? Happiness is temporary, and our souls long for more than that. So what must we be mourning in order to gain comfort? We must acknowledge our fallen nature and the fact that we will never be good enough for He who is perfect.
Our challenge is to be able to know that we mess up, we sin, we fall, we are broken...but that God has given us a way to overcome. Again, our world frowns on someone admitting fault, or not being good enough. Telling someone these things is looked down upon because it makes us look weak or "simple". No one wants to face the ridicule of others, but by choosing to admit we are not worthy of God's grace we are given His grace feely. That is our comfort! That even though we humble ourselves before the mighty God, He does not laugh at us, lord it over us, or mock us...He loves us.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit earth. As my pastor says "meek does not mean weak" The definition of meek is "humbly patient or docile, as under provocation from others." In other words we have the ability to keep ourselves in check! What fun is that, right?
This challenge really hits home with me. I'm a live out loud kind of person and when someone really upsets me, I let them know! Loudly! However, I have found myself lately holding my tongue. Waiting to speak. Thinking and, more importantly, praying before I speak. I have learned to just let some things go. To look at al the circumstances surrounding the event, and possibly to forgive that person who may have offended me. Sometimes I just walk away. I'm aware that makes me look like a coward, weak, or even unconvicted of my beliefs. But again, does my speaking with temper really solve anything? Does it prove anything other than I do not have my temper under control? Not really. In the Bible, you never see Jesus get into a yelling match with someone. He says what He needs to say...and He knew that not everyone would agree or believe...and He was able to let it go. Our goal is to be like Him...even when it's tough to walk away from that discussion on faith!
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. He is not speaking of an earthly hunger for food or a thirst for water. He is speaking of the desire to be righteous. This word is defined in the dictionary as "characterized by uprightness or morality". I learned it as "to be right with God".
That is a huge challenge in today's world. Living your life in a way that is "right with God" does not mesh well with the temperament of this world. To be able to stand up and say you believe something is wrong often goes against the popular grain. To love everyone often goes against our own grain! To be giving, both of ourselves and our money for a cause that does not directly effect us can often be seen as a waste. To be forgiving of even the most heinous of crimes can see impossible and, to many in the work, weak. However, think, Jesus stood up and said you are worth saving, in spite of those who would claim otherwise. He gave everything for us, even as He was mocked. He forgives us everything...over and over again. To be right with God calls us to be like Jesus.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Mercy. Forgiveness. Being kind to others no matter their actions towards you or others. Generosity. These are not catch words in our society. Ruthless. Goal oriented. Focused. Number 1. These are the words we are bombarded with.
However, did you know that in the King James Version the word "mercy" can be found 262 times? For something to be mentioned that often it has to be important. And I don't know about you, but I really want God to grant me mercy. I've made some serious mistakes, does many things I am not proud of, hurt people with and without intent and in general been a fallen human. I want His mercy and this clearly states that if I don't give it, I won't get it!
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Pure. Now that's a word you don't hear often in today's world. Unless you are talking about cooking. (haha) Purity is over rated by many today. To be innocent is aligned with the words naïve, young, silly. None of those words are a compliment. Yet, don't we look at our children and envy their innocence? How can that be, if we were meant to be hard core, tough and looking out for numero uno?
I'm not sure how long innocence lasts in our world any longer, but I do know that it is possible to be pure of heart...hard, but possible. We are able to do things for others for no reason other than kindness, generosity and a desire to help others. It does go against the grain of what we are taught. Think about the Olympics. How many people stop when someone falls? Few, if any. The desire to win, to be number 1, to stand out from the crowd and be rewarded is a great lure for all humans. Now, think of the Special Olympics. I have seen more than once a participant fall, get hurt or seem unable to carry on. I have also seen the other participants stops, encourage and help up others...maybe sacrificing the gold medal in the process. Yet, that never seems to matter to them. These people emulate a purity of heart. I always wanted to be like that!
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God. Peacemaker can be a much debated word. You know those people that are always making nice and smoothing things over. The people that will end an argument with yes, yes, you must be right. Is that a peacemaker? Or is it those people who refuse to let the truth be clouded by worldly views and refuse to back down to lies? Not really a peaceful process then. However, after listening to my Chaplain, I have to agree with the latter definition.
I have the feeling that being a peacemaker is not peaceful. The challenge here is to know when to stand and when to walk away. How to speak the truth without it being like you are throwing the gauntlet down in front of anyone who comes looking. How to stand without being angry, defensive or offensive. That is a challenge. We are human after all! In order to be a peacemaker we must be in constant contact with the Father, we must know what He wants us to do, when He wants us to walk way and when He wants us to make a stand. We must have peace in our hearts before we can make it with others.
Finally: Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. How can being persecuted be a blessing? It's horrible, hard, heartbreaking, terrifying and just down right no fun at all! Why should we want this? More why should we want this for our Christian friends, family and even children? Because it means we are doing something right. This is God's sign to us that we are living as Christ lived and we are shining a light into the darkness. Darkness hates the light.
Our final challenge is to stand firm in times of distress, trouble and hatred. This word can be defined as "a program or campaign to exterminate, drive away, or subjugate a people because of their religion, race, or beliefs" It may not mean we are beaten, jailed, or killed for our faith. And I truly hope that in this country of ours it NEVER comes to that. However, I know that we will be ridiculed, taunted, looked down upon, given false names, and even hated...simply for our faith. It's hard to find the joy in that. Indeed, you may go home saddened by the loss of once friends or even family. It will not be easy, it will not be fun, and it come at a cost. However, God has promised us heaven. And carry with you, too, the thought that maybe you have planted a seed that may grow into another Paul of the 21st century.
The beatitudes do not promise us a life of ease or simplicity. They do promise us rewards for our faithfulness. We must bear in mind these promises during our life filled with challenges. Remember, God does not lie...what He promises He will deliver. We must stay the course, pray for strength and guidance, and finish the race that was set our before us. As it is said in 2 Timothy 4:7
I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Friday, December 28, 2012
Handouts
"I'm just too cynical to give out my money like that" my dad stated as I rolled down my car window and handed a few bucks to a man carrying a sign that said "Out of work Vet." Sadly, I was the same way.
I always thought if you really wanted a job you would get one. Ok, so it's not management and you go home smelling like frying oil every night, but it's a job. Maybe it's driving a trash truck or cleaning up a construction site...certainly not glamorous, but you would be bringing home a paycheck. I mean, really, how hard can it be??
Then, I'm pretty sure God took time out of His very busy day to pop me upside the back of my head. "Does My word not say 'Judge not lest ye be judged'? Does My word not say 'Care for the widows and orphans'? Does not My word say to look after your fellow man? Who are you to harden your heart towards those you know nothing about?"
Yeah, that pop upside my head kinda hurt. No, it really hurt. God pointed out to me what I was doing. That I had become cold and hardened to the plight of His children. What did I know of that man on the street corner? How could I judge someone just based off of a sign they held in their hands? Who was I to judge that woman, eyes downcast, begging for spare change? I knew nothing of these people, and yet I denied them even the pennies in my cup holder.
God has released something inside of me and has enabled me to not just give a couple of bucks to the dirty man on the street corner, but to be able to reach out, shake his hand and tell him I'm sorry it's not more. My children ask me questions: who is that man? is he poor? does he have a place to sleep tonight? what did you give him? do you have anymore to give him? My babies...with such soft hearts have encouraged me to always carry a few dollars in my wallet now.
I pay more attention now...I see the plight that so many people face finding a job. Good people who would clean up trash, honestly can't find a job. Good people, whose health is failing them, are getting laid off. Good people are hurting. Just because they are dirty does not make them less human. Just because they are holding a ripped piece of cardboard with the words "Will Work For Food" does not make them suspect. Just because they have on a what looks to be a new jacket does not mean they are out begging for fun.
We still have people and places who take care of the poor and homeless. These places do what they can with what they are given...and perhaps some new, warm jackets came in the night before. Do not let looks fool you. Let your heart and God's word be your guide. After all, do you really think people hang out at street corners for hours in the cold just to gain your spare change? Do you really think people endure the stigma of being poor or homeless just so they don't have to get a "real" job? Do you really think people want to beg?
Every penny adds up...but more than that, every kind face, every warm hand shake, every honest word spoken adds up. I hope you can be a part of acknowledging those who are less fortunate. Even if you have no money to give, you can give a hand shake and a word of encouragement...sometimes those mean as much as the dollar in change you dig out of the bottom of your purse.
I always thought if you really wanted a job you would get one. Ok, so it's not management and you go home smelling like frying oil every night, but it's a job. Maybe it's driving a trash truck or cleaning up a construction site...certainly not glamorous, but you would be bringing home a paycheck. I mean, really, how hard can it be??
Then, I'm pretty sure God took time out of His very busy day to pop me upside the back of my head. "Does My word not say 'Judge not lest ye be judged'? Does My word not say 'Care for the widows and orphans'? Does not My word say to look after your fellow man? Who are you to harden your heart towards those you know nothing about?"
Yeah, that pop upside my head kinda hurt. No, it really hurt. God pointed out to me what I was doing. That I had become cold and hardened to the plight of His children. What did I know of that man on the street corner? How could I judge someone just based off of a sign they held in their hands? Who was I to judge that woman, eyes downcast, begging for spare change? I knew nothing of these people, and yet I denied them even the pennies in my cup holder.
God has released something inside of me and has enabled me to not just give a couple of bucks to the dirty man on the street corner, but to be able to reach out, shake his hand and tell him I'm sorry it's not more. My children ask me questions: who is that man? is he poor? does he have a place to sleep tonight? what did you give him? do you have anymore to give him? My babies...with such soft hearts have encouraged me to always carry a few dollars in my wallet now.
I pay more attention now...I see the plight that so many people face finding a job. Good people who would clean up trash, honestly can't find a job. Good people, whose health is failing them, are getting laid off. Good people are hurting. Just because they are dirty does not make them less human. Just because they are holding a ripped piece of cardboard with the words "Will Work For Food" does not make them suspect. Just because they have on a what looks to be a new jacket does not mean they are out begging for fun.
We still have people and places who take care of the poor and homeless. These places do what they can with what they are given...and perhaps some new, warm jackets came in the night before. Do not let looks fool you. Let your heart and God's word be your guide. After all, do you really think people hang out at street corners for hours in the cold just to gain your spare change? Do you really think people endure the stigma of being poor or homeless just so they don't have to get a "real" job? Do you really think people want to beg?
Every penny adds up...but more than that, every kind face, every warm hand shake, every honest word spoken adds up. I hope you can be a part of acknowledging those who are less fortunate. Even if you have no money to give, you can give a hand shake and a word of encouragement...sometimes those mean as much as the dollar in change you dig out of the bottom of your purse.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Merry Christmas...Inspite of it all.
I felt my heart break yesterday. It only took a split second, the reading of a sentence on a TV screen, the hearing of the words "20 children dead". My eyes poured tears, my hands shook and my head weaved back and forth in disbelief. How could this be? How could someone walk into an elementary school and kill little children...babies, really?
I have never had my heart break before. I have suffered loss and endured anger and dissapointment, but not heart break. I have seen tragedy and mourned. But never has my heart simply snapped in half before. It's strange because in the last few weeks I have asked God to break my heart for the sake of His children. To make me mourn the state of our nation. To grieve for the lost and to weep for those who hurt. Strange thing to ask for, I know, but ask I did. Never doubt, "ask and ye shall recieve"!
Also strange is the fact that my heart broke not just for those children, those brave teachers and school administrators, the parents, family and friends of those who lost loved ones, but also for the man who killed them. WAIT!! Don't turn away from my words just yet. Can you imagine the darkness that encompassed him? Can you imagine the horror that was filtering through his mind? Not only did he kill family members, but others who may not have had any real meaning to him. The evil that had to have been leaking through him...my heart breaks because his life, too, is gone. Once you are dead, there are no second chances.
It caused me to ponder even further the state of our nation. We have become a nation of pleasures, a nation of greed, a nation of now...and now we are paying the price for that mindset. Drugs, mental illness, sexual depravity, abuse...all these things are common occurances on the nightly news. What have we, Americans, become?
A friend brought up the point that we, as Christians, are meant to be the light. However, we cannot be the light unless we are willing to experience a revival of our spirits. The kind of revival many of us have been praying for, for the sake of our country, cannot occur because we, ourselves are not right with God.
How many of us pray with hearts that simply don't feel anymore? I, too, am guilty of this. It is hard to feel! It is hard to hurt...especially for people we don't even know. But God calls us to do just that. He calls us to admit to our sins...and then to turn away from them, because now we know better! He does not call us to perfection, knowing that it is impossible for us...but He calls us to be right with Him. If we are not right with Him, our prayers cannot be heard.
I think it's time for us to feel again. I think it's time for us to sacrifice again. I think it's time for us to care less about how weird our neighbors think we are and more about how God does or does not approve of our actions. We were never called to be alone. "No man is an island" applies whether you believe in God or not. In order for us to not become isolated, we must reach out to others. We cannot reach out with hate, or discord, or even indifference. We must reach out with love, selflessness, charity, and good nature. Even to those who would be so easy to hate.
It's Christmas time. This is the time of year when good cheer is shouted from street corners, rescue missions receive an abundance of donations, bells are rung for your spare change in front of stores, smiles are exchanged with perfect strangers and children giggle with joy at the sight of wrapped presents.
It's Christmas time. This is the time of year when military seperations hurt even more, parents weep because they are unable to buy tinsel much less presents, children shiver because they have no coats, when young adults choose to die because life has become too much and when people commit criminal acts based upon desperation.
It's Christmas time and we have a choice - we can carry on like nothing is wrong. We can shake our collective heads at the horror that is on TV and say how thankful we are it didn't affect us. We can continue to pray, even when we see our sin displayed in front of us (and I mean our personal sin, not collective) and somehow think that our prayers are being answered. Or we can choose to change. We can change our lifestyle, our ways, our thinking, and our motivations. We can choose to reach out to others, even if it means we might have to give up a little. We can choose to love...even the unlovable. We can choose to be a part of life...and not simply a viewer of life.
I hope this year all of you are able to enjoy yourselves. I hope you have a tree and presents under it. I hope your children (if you have them) wake you up at 3am, excited to open presents. I hope you are able to gather with family, both blood family and the extended family that life has given you. I hope you are blessed. I hope you bless someone else - on purpose, without bragging or pointing at yourselves for kudos. I hope your heart is able to break. I hope you can cry for someone else, even if you don't know them and never will. I hope you have a very, merry Christmas...inspite of it all.
I have never had my heart break before. I have suffered loss and endured anger and dissapointment, but not heart break. I have seen tragedy and mourned. But never has my heart simply snapped in half before. It's strange because in the last few weeks I have asked God to break my heart for the sake of His children. To make me mourn the state of our nation. To grieve for the lost and to weep for those who hurt. Strange thing to ask for, I know, but ask I did. Never doubt, "ask and ye shall recieve"!
Also strange is the fact that my heart broke not just for those children, those brave teachers and school administrators, the parents, family and friends of those who lost loved ones, but also for the man who killed them. WAIT!! Don't turn away from my words just yet. Can you imagine the darkness that encompassed him? Can you imagine the horror that was filtering through his mind? Not only did he kill family members, but others who may not have had any real meaning to him. The evil that had to have been leaking through him...my heart breaks because his life, too, is gone. Once you are dead, there are no second chances.
It caused me to ponder even further the state of our nation. We have become a nation of pleasures, a nation of greed, a nation of now...and now we are paying the price for that mindset. Drugs, mental illness, sexual depravity, abuse...all these things are common occurances on the nightly news. What have we, Americans, become?
A friend brought up the point that we, as Christians, are meant to be the light. However, we cannot be the light unless we are willing to experience a revival of our spirits. The kind of revival many of us have been praying for, for the sake of our country, cannot occur because we, ourselves are not right with God.
How many of us pray with hearts that simply don't feel anymore? I, too, am guilty of this. It is hard to feel! It is hard to hurt...especially for people we don't even know. But God calls us to do just that. He calls us to admit to our sins...and then to turn away from them, because now we know better! He does not call us to perfection, knowing that it is impossible for us...but He calls us to be right with Him. If we are not right with Him, our prayers cannot be heard.
I think it's time for us to feel again. I think it's time for us to sacrifice again. I think it's time for us to care less about how weird our neighbors think we are and more about how God does or does not approve of our actions. We were never called to be alone. "No man is an island" applies whether you believe in God or not. In order for us to not become isolated, we must reach out to others. We cannot reach out with hate, or discord, or even indifference. We must reach out with love, selflessness, charity, and good nature. Even to those who would be so easy to hate.
It's Christmas time. This is the time of year when good cheer is shouted from street corners, rescue missions receive an abundance of donations, bells are rung for your spare change in front of stores, smiles are exchanged with perfect strangers and children giggle with joy at the sight of wrapped presents.
It's Christmas time. This is the time of year when military seperations hurt even more, parents weep because they are unable to buy tinsel much less presents, children shiver because they have no coats, when young adults choose to die because life has become too much and when people commit criminal acts based upon desperation.
It's Christmas time and we have a choice - we can carry on like nothing is wrong. We can shake our collective heads at the horror that is on TV and say how thankful we are it didn't affect us. We can continue to pray, even when we see our sin displayed in front of us (and I mean our personal sin, not collective) and somehow think that our prayers are being answered. Or we can choose to change. We can change our lifestyle, our ways, our thinking, and our motivations. We can choose to reach out to others, even if it means we might have to give up a little. We can choose to love...even the unlovable. We can choose to be a part of life...and not simply a viewer of life.
I hope this year all of you are able to enjoy yourselves. I hope you have a tree and presents under it. I hope your children (if you have them) wake you up at 3am, excited to open presents. I hope you are able to gather with family, both blood family and the extended family that life has given you. I hope you are blessed. I hope you bless someone else - on purpose, without bragging or pointing at yourselves for kudos. I hope your heart is able to break. I hope you can cry for someone else, even if you don't know them and never will. I hope you have a very, merry Christmas...inspite of it all.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Broken
I cannot take complete credit for these musings. I have been reading a book as part of my weekly Bible study called Having a Mary Spirit by Joanna Weaver. This weeks reading talked about being broken.
I really don't like that word: broken. Being broken implies that you no longer work. It says there is something wrong with you and you need to be fixed. In some cases, it means you are headed for the trash heap.
I used to run a free thrift store (if that makes any sense) called the Airman's Attic. It was a place people could donate their stuff they were getting rid of and other people could come and all they had to do was get it home. I can't tell you how much stuff walked in there needing to be fixed. Sometimes I had the time to fix it, other times it had to wait. I will never forget a dresser coming in and it needed a nail put in to keep a drawer on its track. I didn't have the time to fix it. I thought "It's a simple fix. Someone will take this home and just do it themselves. After all, it is free." That dresser sat there for weeks. I finally had the time to fix it and five minutes later someone finally took it home.
So, you see, being broken is not a good thing. But it is what God calls us to be. Think of the verses "Pride comes before the fall." and "Whoever exalts himself will be humbled." Think of "All of you clothe yourself with humility toward one another because God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble." Now, not one of those said anything about being broken. Fine, try this one on: "The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. God, You will not despise a broken and humble heart." Ps 51:17
God tells us He likes it when we are broken! Insanity! Or is it? The saying goes that God is the potter and we are the clay. If that is the case, then I bet He does get a kick out of when we are broken...because then He can fix us! He can make us more like Him. And, after all, isn't that the goal? What's the point of being a Christian if all we do our whole lives is just look like us? I don't know about you, but I want to look more like Christ! Not on the outside, but on the inside...you know, where it counts.
So, how do we break? Those earlier verses give us a clue. Pride and breaking go hand in hand. Pride is like glue. Think back to a time when your feelings were hurt, you were passed over for a promotion, your kid told you your hair was ugly. It was pride that kept you from breaking down and sobbing like a two year old denied a lollipop. Now think to a time when you did something totally on your own, didn't need help from anyone..and didn't ask for any either. Pride kept you from admitting that you lost your mind during that little project. Think of all those times you've said "Look! Look at what I did." Pride needed to be acknowledged or maybe your motivation would have been lost to do those things again.
We think that pride is a good thing. Pride keeps us strong, encourages us to work hard, push farther, be "men" or "women" and keeps us looking good. In reality, pride keeps us from being what we could be: a true, connected, light filled child of God.
This is a hard concept for me. I enjoy being acknowledged. I enjoy knowing that I did something all on my own despite the naysayers. I enjoy being in charge. I enjoy my comfortable life. I don't want to be unacknowledged...I work hard around the house and with teaching my children. Someone needs to tell me I'm awesome. I don't want to give up on my pet project...even when EVERY sign is pointing to the fact that it's not something I need to be doing. I don't want to give up that spot light of being the boss...even when it's painfully clear someone else really is in charge, not me.
How to overcome? It's hard, I won't lie. It requires forming a deep and lasting bond with God. It means we have to really put God first. He is the one we go to when we are sad. He is the one we go to when we need help. He is the one we go to when we have questions. He is the one. Period.
It will take time, effort and training. We have to recondition ourselves to go to Him for all our needs...not our family, friends, spouses or neighbors. We have to recondition ourselves to believe the He is more important than ANYTHING else in our lives. Ouch...that's a hard one. More important than fame, fortune, family and (hardest of all) ourselves.
The apostle Paul tells us to run the race with endurance. It takes training to run in any kind of race...if we don't train we wimp out, get hurt, or worse die. So start your training. Make a schedule of your training events...don't worry...one day it won't be a schedule, it will just be part of you. Then you will be remade in the image of Christ, and everyone will be able to see it.
Final thought...Joanne Weaver said something that really stuck with me. Our pride breaks the Father's heart. I don't know about you, but I don't want to break my Daddy's heart anymore.
I really don't like that word: broken. Being broken implies that you no longer work. It says there is something wrong with you and you need to be fixed. In some cases, it means you are headed for the trash heap.
I used to run a free thrift store (if that makes any sense) called the Airman's Attic. It was a place people could donate their stuff they were getting rid of and other people could come and all they had to do was get it home. I can't tell you how much stuff walked in there needing to be fixed. Sometimes I had the time to fix it, other times it had to wait. I will never forget a dresser coming in and it needed a nail put in to keep a drawer on its track. I didn't have the time to fix it. I thought "It's a simple fix. Someone will take this home and just do it themselves. After all, it is free." That dresser sat there for weeks. I finally had the time to fix it and five minutes later someone finally took it home.
So, you see, being broken is not a good thing. But it is what God calls us to be. Think of the verses "Pride comes before the fall." and "Whoever exalts himself will be humbled." Think of "All of you clothe yourself with humility toward one another because God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble." Now, not one of those said anything about being broken. Fine, try this one on: "The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. God, You will not despise a broken and humble heart." Ps 51:17
God tells us He likes it when we are broken! Insanity! Or is it? The saying goes that God is the potter and we are the clay. If that is the case, then I bet He does get a kick out of when we are broken...because then He can fix us! He can make us more like Him. And, after all, isn't that the goal? What's the point of being a Christian if all we do our whole lives is just look like us? I don't know about you, but I want to look more like Christ! Not on the outside, but on the inside...you know, where it counts.
So, how do we break? Those earlier verses give us a clue. Pride and breaking go hand in hand. Pride is like glue. Think back to a time when your feelings were hurt, you were passed over for a promotion, your kid told you your hair was ugly. It was pride that kept you from breaking down and sobbing like a two year old denied a lollipop. Now think to a time when you did something totally on your own, didn't need help from anyone..and didn't ask for any either. Pride kept you from admitting that you lost your mind during that little project. Think of all those times you've said "Look! Look at what I did." Pride needed to be acknowledged or maybe your motivation would have been lost to do those things again.
We think that pride is a good thing. Pride keeps us strong, encourages us to work hard, push farther, be "men" or "women" and keeps us looking good. In reality, pride keeps us from being what we could be: a true, connected, light filled child of God.
This is a hard concept for me. I enjoy being acknowledged. I enjoy knowing that I did something all on my own despite the naysayers. I enjoy being in charge. I enjoy my comfortable life. I don't want to be unacknowledged...I work hard around the house and with teaching my children. Someone needs to tell me I'm awesome. I don't want to give up on my pet project...even when EVERY sign is pointing to the fact that it's not something I need to be doing. I don't want to give up that spot light of being the boss...even when it's painfully clear someone else really is in charge, not me.
How to overcome? It's hard, I won't lie. It requires forming a deep and lasting bond with God. It means we have to really put God first. He is the one we go to when we are sad. He is the one we go to when we need help. He is the one we go to when we have questions. He is the one. Period.
It will take time, effort and training. We have to recondition ourselves to go to Him for all our needs...not our family, friends, spouses or neighbors. We have to recondition ourselves to believe the He is more important than ANYTHING else in our lives. Ouch...that's a hard one. More important than fame, fortune, family and (hardest of all) ourselves.
The apostle Paul tells us to run the race with endurance. It takes training to run in any kind of race...if we don't train we wimp out, get hurt, or worse die. So start your training. Make a schedule of your training events...don't worry...one day it won't be a schedule, it will just be part of you. Then you will be remade in the image of Christ, and everyone will be able to see it.
Final thought...Joanne Weaver said something that really stuck with me. Our pride breaks the Father's heart. I don't know about you, but I don't want to break my Daddy's heart anymore.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Blessed
I am blessed beyond measure.
I know what you're thinking - April, you've gone and gotten all sappy on us. Maybe you're right, maybe I have, but you know what? I'm ok with that.
We don't take enough time to be blessed any more. You read that right, it's not a typo. We have to take time to be blessed. If we just blow things off they aren't a blessing, are they? They're a convience, an annoyance, or worse not even acknowledged. How can we ask for blessings if we don't appreciate the ones we have now?
I am blessed beyond measure.
I have a husband who loves me, who comes home to me faithfully each night. He honors me, respects me, makes me laugh, and is my hero.
I have three beautiful children who annoy me, drive me crazy, makes me laugh, makes me cry, turn my hair gray and never fail to make me appreciate life.
I have a home, with electricity, running water, insulated walls, a garage for a school room, a yard for my kids to play in and a space to park my cars.
I have two cars to help make life easier so we do not have to stay home all the time, so that my husband does not have to stress about his kids making it to their doctors appointments.
I have food, more than enough. My children have never known hunger. I have never known hunger.
I have clothing appropriate for the weather, more than enough, as do my children.
I am blessed beyond measure.
With those blessings come responsibilities...I have laundry to do, clothes to wash, kiddos to wrangle, a house to clean, bills to pay, and annoyances to keep up with.
I hope you, my friend, look around and see what you have been blessed beyond measure with, no matter the annoyances that you think come with it.
I believe that you, too, are blessed beyond measure!
I know what you're thinking - April, you've gone and gotten all sappy on us. Maybe you're right, maybe I have, but you know what? I'm ok with that.
We don't take enough time to be blessed any more. You read that right, it's not a typo. We have to take time to be blessed. If we just blow things off they aren't a blessing, are they? They're a convience, an annoyance, or worse not even acknowledged. How can we ask for blessings if we don't appreciate the ones we have now?
I am blessed beyond measure.
I have a husband who loves me, who comes home to me faithfully each night. He honors me, respects me, makes me laugh, and is my hero.
I have three beautiful children who annoy me, drive me crazy, makes me laugh, makes me cry, turn my hair gray and never fail to make me appreciate life.
I have a home, with electricity, running water, insulated walls, a garage for a school room, a yard for my kids to play in and a space to park my cars.
I have two cars to help make life easier so we do not have to stay home all the time, so that my husband does not have to stress about his kids making it to their doctors appointments.
I have food, more than enough. My children have never known hunger. I have never known hunger.
I have clothing appropriate for the weather, more than enough, as do my children.
I am blessed beyond measure.
With those blessings come responsibilities...I have laundry to do, clothes to wash, kiddos to wrangle, a house to clean, bills to pay, and annoyances to keep up with.
I hope you, my friend, look around and see what you have been blessed beyond measure with, no matter the annoyances that you think come with it.
I believe that you, too, are blessed beyond measure!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Rant
I will not post this on FB. This is a rant and I fully expect no one to read it. Good Lord, I hope no one reads is.
I am upset. Nope...I'm pissed and I'm not sure who at. I rage at God wanting to know why? Is this a punishment, I'm sure I deserve punishment, but do my children too? Or perhaps having to tell the children is part of my punishment. Is it a test? Well, what the heck am I being testing on?
I can't learn a lesson if I don't know what the lesson is about. I can't improve if I don't know what I'm failing at.
I pray for other people, for other things...for anything that is not connected to my house. Do you know why, because for a year and a half I got no answers. NONE.
Once again, 1st Sgt man has taken over our lives. I literally see my husband for less than 3 hours a day now. And when I do see him there is no interaction...no playful banter, no joy, much less any kind of relations. He's exhausted. Period. End of story. His Airmen own him.
I was ok with that...mostly. I'm not ok with the no sleep thing that he is doing. But otherwise we are so busy at home with school work and chores and my school work and chores, that him not being here was mostly ok.
I just wanted one bloody day off...with no computer, no phone...just us and the kids. And some ass has to decide he wants to tell someone he wants to off himself. I know, that is soo insensitive. How cruel can I be? Very, apparently. Could my husband hand over the case to the guy that was taking over for him for 24 hours. NOOOOO. My husband is much less cruel and far more sensitive than I am.
We were supposed to have a trip...hotel and all. Hotel is paid for...less than 24 hours to cancel...money down the tubes. I can shrug that off...we have done it before. You would think I would learn. I can't shrug off the fact that the kids were stoked. They were excited that they got to have daddy to themselves, and a hotel and White Sands. Too good to be true. Yes, yes it is.
So, the question is...am I to be a bad wife and leave him behind, enjoy the hotel, the sand, the interesting facts we would learn? Or am I to be the bad mother and break ANOTHER promise so that we MIGHT get to stay home and play with daddy? You know, if there are no more calls on the freaking cell phone (I HATE that thing) and if he can actually stay awake and if he can stay off the computer trying to get caught up. IF.
I have decided to be a bad mother. Promises broken...we'll do something else fun. What mom? I have no clue children. Go to the hotel here in town and do the water park thing...no, daddy's too tired for that. Maybe we can go fishing tomorrow...you know like we were supposed to do last weekend and today. If daddy doesn't get a phone call or keel over from exhaustion.
So, God, tell me...what is my lesson? To have more faith? I have faith now to make no plans...that You will call my husband out to help everyone but his family. To serve? Even Jesus had down time. To care more for others than myself? Ok, there we go...the hardest lesson of all. But it backfires...I care about my children and the fact that they know our lives revolve around daddy's crazy, stupid airmen, not around mom, or dad, or even themselves...but constantly at the mercy of a phone call.
I'm tired..and I'm angry...and I'm sad...and I don't want to play any more. What the heck was I thinking when I agreed to 3 more years of this....this. I don't even have a word for it.
I'm just tired.
I am upset. Nope...I'm pissed and I'm not sure who at. I rage at God wanting to know why? Is this a punishment, I'm sure I deserve punishment, but do my children too? Or perhaps having to tell the children is part of my punishment. Is it a test? Well, what the heck am I being testing on?
I can't learn a lesson if I don't know what the lesson is about. I can't improve if I don't know what I'm failing at.
I pray for other people, for other things...for anything that is not connected to my house. Do you know why, because for a year and a half I got no answers. NONE.
Once again, 1st Sgt man has taken over our lives. I literally see my husband for less than 3 hours a day now. And when I do see him there is no interaction...no playful banter, no joy, much less any kind of relations. He's exhausted. Period. End of story. His Airmen own him.
I was ok with that...mostly. I'm not ok with the no sleep thing that he is doing. But otherwise we are so busy at home with school work and chores and my school work and chores, that him not being here was mostly ok.
I just wanted one bloody day off...with no computer, no phone...just us and the kids. And some ass has to decide he wants to tell someone he wants to off himself. I know, that is soo insensitive. How cruel can I be? Very, apparently. Could my husband hand over the case to the guy that was taking over for him for 24 hours. NOOOOO. My husband is much less cruel and far more sensitive than I am.
We were supposed to have a trip...hotel and all. Hotel is paid for...less than 24 hours to cancel...money down the tubes. I can shrug that off...we have done it before. You would think I would learn. I can't shrug off the fact that the kids were stoked. They were excited that they got to have daddy to themselves, and a hotel and White Sands. Too good to be true. Yes, yes it is.
So, the question is...am I to be a bad wife and leave him behind, enjoy the hotel, the sand, the interesting facts we would learn? Or am I to be the bad mother and break ANOTHER promise so that we MIGHT get to stay home and play with daddy? You know, if there are no more calls on the freaking cell phone (I HATE that thing) and if he can actually stay awake and if he can stay off the computer trying to get caught up. IF.
I have decided to be a bad mother. Promises broken...we'll do something else fun. What mom? I have no clue children. Go to the hotel here in town and do the water park thing...no, daddy's too tired for that. Maybe we can go fishing tomorrow...you know like we were supposed to do last weekend and today. If daddy doesn't get a phone call or keel over from exhaustion.
So, God, tell me...what is my lesson? To have more faith? I have faith now to make no plans...that You will call my husband out to help everyone but his family. To serve? Even Jesus had down time. To care more for others than myself? Ok, there we go...the hardest lesson of all. But it backfires...I care about my children and the fact that they know our lives revolve around daddy's crazy, stupid airmen, not around mom, or dad, or even themselves...but constantly at the mercy of a phone call.
I'm tired..and I'm angry...and I'm sad...and I don't want to play any more. What the heck was I thinking when I agreed to 3 more years of this....this. I don't even have a word for it.
I'm just tired.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Stress
Stress. It has been my constant compainion, my not so good friend, and my hated luggage. Deadlines, things to do, a house to clean, people to be nice to, studies to complete...sleep to loose, kids to yell at, husbands to critisize, and just general havoc!
I'm not a nice person when I get stressed out. Who am I kidding? I'm not a nice person when I'm not stressed out! HA! So, we'll just say it gets worse when I am.
I'm sitting here, needing to write, needing to do something just for me. I'm not getting a grade on this, nor is someone going to edit this for me. I can use whatever point of view I want. I don't have to cite my sources. (and if any of you ask me for a works cited page...I might have to hurt you!)
I know I am not alone in this. I know I am not the only person out there trying to be super mom or super dad. As a matter of fact, I'm willing to bet that everyone has some stress. If you say you don't, I'd have to come live with you just to see it for myself.
So, what's the point of this little blog? Should I tell you to stop stressing? That would be like telling the wind to stop blowing in Kansas. Should I tell you stress is natural? Well, duh! Maybe I could tell you to stress less. I would probably get the response "I'm trying".
I'll say instead, good luck. I'll tell you that I will pray that your stress will be relieved and I hope you will do the same for me.
We live in a world of bigger, better, right NOW! I don't see that changing. We live in a world of drugs, violence, lawlessness, discrimination, hatred, and fear. (I just shot your stress through the roof, didn't I?) Can we do anything about it? Sure we can. We can not live that way. We can teach our children not to live that way.
However, we cannot make others not live that way. It's time to let go of the fear of the future. Pray...share you worries and concerns with God. Now, let it go. We are only human, we can only do so much...carrying the world on our shoulders is not one of those things. God can do it sooo much better. Why not let Him?
Now, April, you say, I'm not worried about the future...I'm worried about right now! I have a kid to feed, no food in the cupboards, a paper due tomorrow, bills piling up, a husband that doesn't want to talk to me and a dog that needs his shots.
That sounds pretty bad. I might not have any hair left after a day like that. So what do you do? First, take a deep breath. Offer up that prayer to God...I'm not talking a 45 min formal, on knees, head bowed prayer (although if you want to and your kid will leave you alone long enough to do that, go for it!), I'm talking close your eyes, raise your hands to Heaven, tell God "I need help! Please help me!" He WILL hear you.
I have done that many times...and I cannot describe that peace that can come from it. You have to believe He will help you though. His help comes at a cost. He requires your faith.
Will life suddenly get easier? Will your cupboards fill with food? Will your husband have a sudden change of heart? Will doggie diseases suddenly be wiped off the face of the earth? Who knows? Could God make it happen? Sure! Keep your eyes and your heart open, and you will be amazed at how He provides.
Am I less stressed now? For now. My kids aren't up yet, and my laundry and dishes aren't done yet, but for right now, that's ok. Will I have to say that prayer today? I have no doubt that is an absolute YES!
So, I will leave you with God's words, not mine:
Our soul waiteth for the Lord: he is our help and our shield. Ps 33:20
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Ps 46:1
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jer 29:11
The LORD will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. Ps 121:7
But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil [one]. 2Thes 3:3
I think that is enough for now. Enjoy the day!
I'm not a nice person when I get stressed out. Who am I kidding? I'm not a nice person when I'm not stressed out! HA! So, we'll just say it gets worse when I am.
I'm sitting here, needing to write, needing to do something just for me. I'm not getting a grade on this, nor is someone going to edit this for me. I can use whatever point of view I want. I don't have to cite my sources. (and if any of you ask me for a works cited page...I might have to hurt you!)
I know I am not alone in this. I know I am not the only person out there trying to be super mom or super dad. As a matter of fact, I'm willing to bet that everyone has some stress. If you say you don't, I'd have to come live with you just to see it for myself.
So, what's the point of this little blog? Should I tell you to stop stressing? That would be like telling the wind to stop blowing in Kansas. Should I tell you stress is natural? Well, duh! Maybe I could tell you to stress less. I would probably get the response "I'm trying".
I'll say instead, good luck. I'll tell you that I will pray that your stress will be relieved and I hope you will do the same for me.
We live in a world of bigger, better, right NOW! I don't see that changing. We live in a world of drugs, violence, lawlessness, discrimination, hatred, and fear. (I just shot your stress through the roof, didn't I?) Can we do anything about it? Sure we can. We can not live that way. We can teach our children not to live that way.
However, we cannot make others not live that way. It's time to let go of the fear of the future. Pray...share you worries and concerns with God. Now, let it go. We are only human, we can only do so much...carrying the world on our shoulders is not one of those things. God can do it sooo much better. Why not let Him?
Now, April, you say, I'm not worried about the future...I'm worried about right now! I have a kid to feed, no food in the cupboards, a paper due tomorrow, bills piling up, a husband that doesn't want to talk to me and a dog that needs his shots.
That sounds pretty bad. I might not have any hair left after a day like that. So what do you do? First, take a deep breath. Offer up that prayer to God...I'm not talking a 45 min formal, on knees, head bowed prayer (although if you want to and your kid will leave you alone long enough to do that, go for it!), I'm talking close your eyes, raise your hands to Heaven, tell God "I need help! Please help me!" He WILL hear you.
I have done that many times...and I cannot describe that peace that can come from it. You have to believe He will help you though. His help comes at a cost. He requires your faith.
Will life suddenly get easier? Will your cupboards fill with food? Will your husband have a sudden change of heart? Will doggie diseases suddenly be wiped off the face of the earth? Who knows? Could God make it happen? Sure! Keep your eyes and your heart open, and you will be amazed at how He provides.
Am I less stressed now? For now. My kids aren't up yet, and my laundry and dishes aren't done yet, but for right now, that's ok. Will I have to say that prayer today? I have no doubt that is an absolute YES!
So, I will leave you with God's words, not mine:
Our soul waiteth for the Lord: he is our help and our shield. Ps 33:20
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Ps 46:1
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Jer 29:11
The LORD will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul. Ps 121:7
But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil [one]. 2Thes 3:3
I think that is enough for now. Enjoy the day!
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