I'm going to make a shocking confession. As a woman and as a Christian and as a Christian woman...are you ready?
For nearly 16 years, I HATED the Book of Esther. Ok, hated might be a strong word, or it might be pretty spot on, but the fact is that I really, really disliked a section of the Bible. There was a part of God's word that I didn't want anything to do with.
I had seen over the years that many women fell into the same camp that I was in concerning this particular book. Or they LOVED this book. Something about the book of Esther brings out pretty strong emotions in women.
Recently, I decided that it probably wasn't a good thing to really just not like a book in God's word, so I decided to do something about it. In my own weird, uneducated, not-a-pastor kind of way, I prayed about it and had some things revealed to me about why it might be so hard for women to get the most out of this book.
1. Esther was beautiful. Now, I don't know about you, but beauty makes me uncomfortable. To be someone that people say is beautiful is beyond me. Copious research has been done regarding women and the idea of beauty. Beauty is often seen to be unattainable, unrealistic, or even just impossible. Women, since time began, have used aids to assist in making themselves beautiful. For pity's sake, at one point in history women used arsenic to make themselves pale, which was considered beautiful. Anorexia, bulimia, plastic surgery, air brushed photos, make up, corsets...the list goes on and on of how women have worked to achieve beauty. So when someone is called beautiful it has a tendency to put backs up. Or at least my back.
Do not take me wrong here, beauty is not bad, nor is it impossible to achieve! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Perhaps we, as women, need to redefine beauty in order to be more comfortable in our own skin. Perhaps then hearing another woman called beautiful won't make us so uncomfortable.
2. She was like by everyone. My first reaction is...Ugh. She's one of THOSE people. The people no one can say a bad thing about. The one that is good to everyone, makes no waves, offends no one, brings a smile to faces worldwide, and is just...UGH. What is it about those good people that make us roll our eyes and just want to go in the other direction? So many of us have this reaction and questioning ourselves about that is uncomfortable.
Most of us like to think of ourselves as good, decent people. Most of us like to think there are people out there so much worse than ourselves. Thinking anything other than that brings on some pretty intense feelings of guilt or shame. No one likes that, myself included. So why go there? Esther, however, makes us confront that. I figure, though, God put this book in the Bible for a reason. God's not comfortable all the time and neither is His word. I suppose that means I should stop rolling my eyes as I cruise past the book of Esther.
3. She was a good daughter (niece). She did what she was told, she didn't get into trouble, she didn't tell her Uncle to get lost when he asked her to risk her life...the list could go on. Now, I don't know about you but I was NOT the best of kids. Defiant was me. (Don't cringe...I know it's poor grammar...go with it!) You see, Esther just makes us confront all sorts of things about ourselves.
I know this one can be a touchy subject. Not all parents or guardians are good ones. Some are abusive, and some are just plain crazy. We assume that Mordecai is a good man - he's certainly an honest one. At the end of the day though, I'm not always sure that matters. Esther was a good daughter doing what was asked of her, never complaining, belly aching, stomping her feet, refusing or ignoring what was asked of her. I'll admit to you here that after I had kids I apologized for being a terrible daughter and have tried to be better since then. She laughed at me. I'm assuming all is forgiven.
4. She admitted she was afraid. She didn't say it out loud, as least in my version, that she was afraid, but she quietly told her uncle that she could die if she confronted the king. Afterwards she asked the nation of Israel to fast for her and pray. She was scared. She could die and the king could make it very unpleasant. She could say or do the wrong thing and everyone could die anyway. She could fail and there was no one there who could fix it. She was alone and she was afraid, but she wasn't afraid to admit it.
Our culture frowns on admitting to fear. We are supposed to be brave and bold and fearless. We are supposed to look death in the face and laugh. Ok, maybe that's an exaggeration but maybe not. In a culture where women are supposed to be all things, admitting to fear is something we are conditioned not to do. I mean, we don't even admit when we are sick half the time! Tell people we are scared and asking for prayers?? Out of the question. But Ester did it, and Ester is an example for us in the Bible. It just slays us to be confronted with the fact that all this time we could have and should have been admitting to our fears and asking for prayers, but we haven't because the world says we aren't supposed to be afraid. Or maybe it's just me.
There is so much in this short, simple book and yet it has such a strong reaction from women world wide. There is so much we could learn from Esther, but only if we are willing to confront what stands in our way. I pray I find the strength to do so, and to take example from a women God found worthy enough to dedicate a whole book to.
Next time, I'll get into the commands of Esther...stay tuned. :)
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
Change Sucks!
I have homeschooled my children for the last five years. For five years I have been mom, teacher, principal, chauffeur, nurse, sound board, cook, and scheduler. For five years I have graded papers, irritated my children with the insistence that they learn and do their best, kept a running tab on their grades, planned curriculum and whatever else goes with the life of having small children. Five years...and now it's over.
No, my kids aren't dead. Thank God. (As I write this, it does put this into perspective just a bit.) My kids have been enrolled in public schools. Shock. Gasp. Public schools!! Ha! Yeah, I know...many of you who know me swore I would never send them back until Common Core died an ugly, loud death. Sadly, CC still lives.
So why are my kids in school? Because God told me to. Now, some of you are going to click off now. That's fine. I'm sure I'll get some advice pointing me to the nearest health care facility. Some of you are going to snicker a little bit and keep reading to see what other insanity I'll claim. Some of you will continue to read because maybe, just maybe, you are hearing His voice too but you just can't wrap your mind around what He's asking you to do. (And because it's good to not be alone.)
Yes, yes. I heard God tell me to put my kids in brick and mortar school. He told me to send them to that place where they will be exposed to all kinds of humanity (and inhumanity). He told me to let them go, fly away free, and He told me to do it with a joyful heart. (I'm working on the heart part.) Granted, with me it was more along the lines of a slap upside the head than a nice, soft voice. I'm pretty dense and set in my way sometimes. So, in spite of all that I know and have learned over the last five years, in the space of 24 hours I put my kids back into public school.
I'm going to be honest: I'm not ok. My house is quiet. Even the dog is a lot more mellow...I guess he misses them too. I have little to fill my days. No dishes to keep up with, no constant parade of laundry, no papers to grade, no little minds to inspire. It's really quite depressing. I still have to get up at 0530. The only difference now is that I don't have two hours to drink my coffee, wake up and goof off before I have to wake up kids. My poor son has to wake up at 6am. Yikes!
This will be my kids 7th day at school. Not that I'm counting or anything. I won't tell you the horror stories of what they have seen and heard. I won't tell you how many times they have had to stand up for themselves. People keep asking me: "Aren't you proud?" Well, sure I'm proud. But honestly, I'd give my left leg for them never to have done any of this.
So, why don't I just pull them out? Homeschool again? Besides the fact that my mother AND mother-in-law would probably hunt my down and hurt me (trust me, it would hurt!), I can't find it in me to bring them home. Not yet. God hasn't told me to yet.
Even my husband wants to bring them home. Every single day we have talked about public vs home and every single day I have to remind him that I believe God is working something amazing. He has a plan. (I personally, at the moment, think it sucks...thankfully God doesn't care about my opinion of His plans!) The Bible tells us that He has a plan. It's a good one...a great one! It's a plan that is meant to bring great things into our lives. It's a plan that promises us no harm. Since the greatest harm is loss of faith, I have to believe that this journey my kids are taking will only strengthen their faith. I have to believe He is turning them into warriors.
That's the goal every Christian parent has for their kids, right? To turn them into warriors for God? To send them out into the world to spread the Good News? To be a light in the dark?
I'm slowly making my way around to believing that God has put them in a place that will grow them. Maybe not educationally, but spiritually. (There's an irony, right? Faith in a public school house!) As I watch my kids stretch and take challenges head on, and then come home and tell us all about it, I am proud. Not because they took on some bully or was polite to a teacher, but because they are showing grace, love, and faith in a place that so desperately needs it.
I never wanted this for my kids. That's right...I did not want my kids to be warriors. I wanted my kids to grow up, safe and sound and secure, and THEN become warriors. I wanted their childhood years to be...free. Perhaps this is God's way of proving to me what I have taught my kids all along: Never let anyone tell you that you are too young to show others the love of God. Maybe my kids' faith surpasses mine, and they are more than ready to be a light. I don't know.
I'm still just sitting here...trying to wrap my mind around the quiet in my house.
No, my kids aren't dead. Thank God. (As I write this, it does put this into perspective just a bit.) My kids have been enrolled in public schools. Shock. Gasp. Public schools!! Ha! Yeah, I know...many of you who know me swore I would never send them back until Common Core died an ugly, loud death. Sadly, CC still lives.
So why are my kids in school? Because God told me to. Now, some of you are going to click off now. That's fine. I'm sure I'll get some advice pointing me to the nearest health care facility. Some of you are going to snicker a little bit and keep reading to see what other insanity I'll claim. Some of you will continue to read because maybe, just maybe, you are hearing His voice too but you just can't wrap your mind around what He's asking you to do. (And because it's good to not be alone.)
Yes, yes. I heard God tell me to put my kids in brick and mortar school. He told me to send them to that place where they will be exposed to all kinds of humanity (and inhumanity). He told me to let them go, fly away free, and He told me to do it with a joyful heart. (I'm working on the heart part.) Granted, with me it was more along the lines of a slap upside the head than a nice, soft voice. I'm pretty dense and set in my way sometimes. So, in spite of all that I know and have learned over the last five years, in the space of 24 hours I put my kids back into public school.
I'm going to be honest: I'm not ok. My house is quiet. Even the dog is a lot more mellow...I guess he misses them too. I have little to fill my days. No dishes to keep up with, no constant parade of laundry, no papers to grade, no little minds to inspire. It's really quite depressing. I still have to get up at 0530. The only difference now is that I don't have two hours to drink my coffee, wake up and goof off before I have to wake up kids. My poor son has to wake up at 6am. Yikes!
This will be my kids 7th day at school. Not that I'm counting or anything. I won't tell you the horror stories of what they have seen and heard. I won't tell you how many times they have had to stand up for themselves. People keep asking me: "Aren't you proud?" Well, sure I'm proud. But honestly, I'd give my left leg for them never to have done any of this.
So, why don't I just pull them out? Homeschool again? Besides the fact that my mother AND mother-in-law would probably hunt my down and hurt me (trust me, it would hurt!), I can't find it in me to bring them home. Not yet. God hasn't told me to yet.
Even my husband wants to bring them home. Every single day we have talked about public vs home and every single day I have to remind him that I believe God is working something amazing. He has a plan. (I personally, at the moment, think it sucks...thankfully God doesn't care about my opinion of His plans!) The Bible tells us that He has a plan. It's a good one...a great one! It's a plan that is meant to bring great things into our lives. It's a plan that promises us no harm. Since the greatest harm is loss of faith, I have to believe that this journey my kids are taking will only strengthen their faith. I have to believe He is turning them into warriors.
That's the goal every Christian parent has for their kids, right? To turn them into warriors for God? To send them out into the world to spread the Good News? To be a light in the dark?
I'm slowly making my way around to believing that God has put them in a place that will grow them. Maybe not educationally, but spiritually. (There's an irony, right? Faith in a public school house!) As I watch my kids stretch and take challenges head on, and then come home and tell us all about it, I am proud. Not because they took on some bully or was polite to a teacher, but because they are showing grace, love, and faith in a place that so desperately needs it.
I never wanted this for my kids. That's right...I did not want my kids to be warriors. I wanted my kids to grow up, safe and sound and secure, and THEN become warriors. I wanted their childhood years to be...free. Perhaps this is God's way of proving to me what I have taught my kids all along: Never let anyone tell you that you are too young to show others the love of God. Maybe my kids' faith surpasses mine, and they are more than ready to be a light. I don't know.
I'm still just sitting here...trying to wrap my mind around the quiet in my house.
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
You're just a big...Fat...PANDA!
I LOVE the Kung Fu Panda series! Just love it. Yes, I'm a grown woman who watches children's movies. So what? HA! Go ahead and laugh...but when I'm done explaining why, you'll never be able to see these movies again without a deep appreciation for them.
Po is a panda (duh, April). A big, fat, flabby, clumsy panda. He's not always real bright and he has the patience of a five year old. That's ok...because what he does, he does with joy! Real joy. Unhinged joy. Blatant, out loud joy. We could all use more joy in our lives.
In the first movie Po is chosen to be Dragon Warrior. Everyone thinks Master Oogway is nuts. Po has no training, is unheard of, and certainly is not anyone's image of the Dragon Warrior. Master Shifu does his best to make him quit because Po does not fit the mental image HE has for who and what the Dragon Warrior should be.
Is this starting to sound familiar? Doesn't this totally sound like real life? Po is about as different as you can get. He's adopted...by a goose. He's nothing like his adopted dad. He's out of shape with a dream to be this amazing martial arts master. He plays with dolls...sorry, action figures...as a grown man...I mean, panda. If we are going to be stereotypical, this man panda should never be anything more than a big kid who works in fast food and lives with his dad.
But he's got a dream and no matter how foolish, or how many people tell him he will never make it, he never gives up. "Because a real warrior never quits!" How can we not want to emulate this goofy panda? Even when his dad tries to discourage him (probably because he doesn't want him to get hurt, and probably a little bit because he's used to having him help in the restaurant), he still, politely, presses on.
The secret in this movie is that "there is no secret ingredient". YOU ARE ENOUGH! No, really, you are enough! You, just the way you are. You with the flabby arms and saggy tummy...you are enough. You with the GED working in an auto repair shop...you are enough. You with the two kids and no spouse and two jobs and never ending pile of bills...you are enough! How awesome a message is that?? Po...flabby, clumsy, and mostly untrained Po was enough to beat the bad guy.
What's interesting is that this, for me, is the same message that God gives us. I am enough to do what He has put me here to do. I am enough for my kids. I am enough for my husband. I am enough for my church. I am enough for the people in my neighborhood. I am enough for my friends. I have to remind myself of this, over and over again because the world is often like Shifu...telling us that we aren't right for the position we are in. We aren't enough or right or what's needed. What nonsense! If God put you there, you are enough. I love that Po is able to prove him wrong and defeat the bad guy (who really is just a big kitty who has lost all joy in life). And I love that Po tries to help Tai Lung understand what he is missing. Too bad he wasn't willing to listen to a panda.
I could go on and on. There are two more movies, and maybe later I'll pull apart the other two. However, I'm just going to mention one more thing. Po is always joyful. Po loves kung fu. Po loves training, even when it hurts. Po loves being able to hang out and learn with his heroes. Po just plain loves life. He might not be able to do all that stuff that those professionals do, but it sure doesn't stop him from getting in there and trying. He's not afraid to start at "level zero" and while he doesn't want to show off his mad skills in front of the masters...well, he works his way up to it! Does he embarrass himself? Sure. Does that make him quit? Nope. Does he take some pain? You know it! Does he quit? Nope. In spite of all this, Po still takes joy in being able to train with the Masters. He doesn't get bitter, and every time a new piece of kung fu is revealed to him, he gets as excited as a toddler with a candy bar.
I love Po for this! We all start at level zero. We all fail. We all fall. We all embarrass ourselves. We all know and have others who are better than we are. But not all of us carry on any way. Not all of us keep our joy. I wish we would. I wish we who are Christian would remember that the joy of the Lord is supposed to keep us going. We can reach people through our joy. We can accomplish so much if we just keep our joy. Not our happy...even Po wasn't always happy. Remember the sacred peach tree? He had his downs. But he never lost his joy. He knew that he still got to do what he always wanted to do.
I should hope that we should have always wanted to serve the Lord and be a part of His miracles. I should hope that we should have always wanted to serve others and be a part in bringing some light to the dark. I should hope that in spite of our ups and downs in this life, that we take joy in remembering what comes next. We are the children of God. Heir to the throne with Christ Jesus as our brother. We will inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. And we are bringers of light in a dark world.
Whenever you start to lose your joy, think of Tai Lung. Was he great at Kung Fu? You bet! That kitty was beating people up left and right. He took on all challengers and won...right up until he went against that "big, fat panda". Then he lost. Ever notice that Po smiles and giggles when he's fighting Tai Lung. Even against this opponent who might kill him, he's joyful.
Don't let us be the Tai Lungs of the church. Don't let us lose our joy. Don't let us be ashamed of where we are in life, and don't let us listen to those Master Shifus who tell us we aren't enough. Whenever you are feeling down about your journey with God and you need a silly and quick lift...watch some Kung Fu Panda. I promise it will make you smile...and remember that YOU, yes YOU, are enough in God's plan.
My favorite quote: "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present." Master Oogway.
Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” James 4: 13-15
Po is a panda (duh, April). A big, fat, flabby, clumsy panda. He's not always real bright and he has the patience of a five year old. That's ok...because what he does, he does with joy! Real joy. Unhinged joy. Blatant, out loud joy. We could all use more joy in our lives.
In the first movie Po is chosen to be Dragon Warrior. Everyone thinks Master Oogway is nuts. Po has no training, is unheard of, and certainly is not anyone's image of the Dragon Warrior. Master Shifu does his best to make him quit because Po does not fit the mental image HE has for who and what the Dragon Warrior should be.
Is this starting to sound familiar? Doesn't this totally sound like real life? Po is about as different as you can get. He's adopted...by a goose. He's nothing like his adopted dad. He's out of shape with a dream to be this amazing martial arts master. He plays with dolls...sorry, action figures...as a grown man...I mean, panda. If we are going to be stereotypical, this man panda should never be anything more than a big kid who works in fast food and lives with his dad.
But he's got a dream and no matter how foolish, or how many people tell him he will never make it, he never gives up. "Because a real warrior never quits!" How can we not want to emulate this goofy panda? Even when his dad tries to discourage him (probably because he doesn't want him to get hurt, and probably a little bit because he's used to having him help in the restaurant), he still, politely, presses on.
The secret in this movie is that "there is no secret ingredient". YOU ARE ENOUGH! No, really, you are enough! You, just the way you are. You with the flabby arms and saggy tummy...you are enough. You with the GED working in an auto repair shop...you are enough. You with the two kids and no spouse and two jobs and never ending pile of bills...you are enough! How awesome a message is that?? Po...flabby, clumsy, and mostly untrained Po was enough to beat the bad guy.
What's interesting is that this, for me, is the same message that God gives us. I am enough to do what He has put me here to do. I am enough for my kids. I am enough for my husband. I am enough for my church. I am enough for the people in my neighborhood. I am enough for my friends. I have to remind myself of this, over and over again because the world is often like Shifu...telling us that we aren't right for the position we are in. We aren't enough or right or what's needed. What nonsense! If God put you there, you are enough. I love that Po is able to prove him wrong and defeat the bad guy (who really is just a big kitty who has lost all joy in life). And I love that Po tries to help Tai Lung understand what he is missing. Too bad he wasn't willing to listen to a panda.
I could go on and on. There are two more movies, and maybe later I'll pull apart the other two. However, I'm just going to mention one more thing. Po is always joyful. Po loves kung fu. Po loves training, even when it hurts. Po loves being able to hang out and learn with his heroes. Po just plain loves life. He might not be able to do all that stuff that those professionals do, but it sure doesn't stop him from getting in there and trying. He's not afraid to start at "level zero" and while he doesn't want to show off his mad skills in front of the masters...well, he works his way up to it! Does he embarrass himself? Sure. Does that make him quit? Nope. Does he take some pain? You know it! Does he quit? Nope. In spite of all this, Po still takes joy in being able to train with the Masters. He doesn't get bitter, and every time a new piece of kung fu is revealed to him, he gets as excited as a toddler with a candy bar.
I love Po for this! We all start at level zero. We all fail. We all fall. We all embarrass ourselves. We all know and have others who are better than we are. But not all of us carry on any way. Not all of us keep our joy. I wish we would. I wish we who are Christian would remember that the joy of the Lord is supposed to keep us going. We can reach people through our joy. We can accomplish so much if we just keep our joy. Not our happy...even Po wasn't always happy. Remember the sacred peach tree? He had his downs. But he never lost his joy. He knew that he still got to do what he always wanted to do.
I should hope that we should have always wanted to serve the Lord and be a part of His miracles. I should hope that we should have always wanted to serve others and be a part in bringing some light to the dark. I should hope that in spite of our ups and downs in this life, that we take joy in remembering what comes next. We are the children of God. Heir to the throne with Christ Jesus as our brother. We will inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. And we are bringers of light in a dark world.
Whenever you start to lose your joy, think of Tai Lung. Was he great at Kung Fu? You bet! That kitty was beating people up left and right. He took on all challengers and won...right up until he went against that "big, fat panda". Then he lost. Ever notice that Po smiles and giggles when he's fighting Tai Lung. Even against this opponent who might kill him, he's joyful.
Don't let us be the Tai Lungs of the church. Don't let us lose our joy. Don't let us be ashamed of where we are in life, and don't let us listen to those Master Shifus who tell us we aren't enough. Whenever you are feeling down about your journey with God and you need a silly and quick lift...watch some Kung Fu Panda. I promise it will make you smile...and remember that YOU, yes YOU, are enough in God's plan.
My favorite quote: "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why they call it the present." Master Oogway.
Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” James 4: 13-15
Monday, February 22, 2016
Let's be less than perfect
I was looking back through my Facebook posts from over the years and I've noticed a trend. I've noticed that my posts have become less and less real. I've started posting funny sayings, recipes, a few pictures here and there...most of the time I really censor what I'm thinking. I don't let out what I really want to write. I find myself thinking...why?
Why have I suddenly become this person who won't vent to friends and family? Why don't I put out there my failures, frustrations, or just general thoughts? I look around and notice many of my friends doing the same thing...if they even post at all!
I miss hearing from my friends so far away. I miss being able to commiserate with them...I miss being able to joke about the blunders of life. I miss seeing my friends' kids grow up...and I miss learning that they are going through the same craziness that my kids are going through. I miss feeling a real connection to those people I was once closest too.
It's a nasty trend, really, this need to be perfect. It's a horrible habit to indulge in, this need to show the world only the good. And while we are at it, why are we showing the "world" anything? Shouldn't our social media be for those people we actually like and want to hang out with? Shouldn't it be a personal experience where we can talk and show and BE ourselves because we know that we are among friends?
I don't know how it started, but somehow our social media is no longer about keeping up with friends and family, but it's this weird networking thing where we have to constantly be aware of someone "watching" us. Heaven forbid we put something out there about how we want to run away from home, or how our husband was an ass that day, or how our kids were horrible little heathens! Someone might judge us!! Sheesh.
I want to go back to the real. That's right...I went all Morpheus on you. I want to go to the real. That place where I know my friends are going to totally understand that I'm not an alcoholic, but it was a rough day and I want to be able to sleep that night. I want to be able to say my husband is a jerk because he bought himself a book and didn't think to bring me home a Starbucks's coffee. (seriously...that is kinda jerky!) My friends and family will know I'm not going to divorce him and they know I still love him...but man, if I can't vent to friends and family, who can I vent to?
Research is showing that this generation of social media is doing some damage. It's making us anti-social and depressed. More and more people are feeling like less because all that stuff out there that's all happy, and pretty, and perfect. All these people are totally content in their lives, have perfect kids, and bake the world's best cookies. Sure, sure...some people might think they live a blessed life and that's great. FOR THEM. The rest of us need more of "the real".
I think we need more people to put out there the times when they felt like God totally ignored them. Or that time they were pretty sure their kid was going to be in the 3rd grade forever. Or that other time when their kid pitched an absolute fit because you refused to buy the purple socks because they were $3 more! We need more honesty in the world. Tell about those times when you were lonely. Tell about the time you hated life and wanted to move to Brazil. Really. Tell us!
Why should you? Because it will help you and me. You will find more than one ear willing to listen, hands willing to fold in prayer, and more than one person out there is going to make you feel normal by saying "been there, done that". It will help me not feel alone. OH, Hooray! I'm not the only one with kids who might not see their next birthday. Really, your husband forgets when you have an appointment scheduled too? Awesome.
Seriously...let's consider being more open and honest with each other. Are you afraid? Why? I'm not saying that to be snarky, but to really ask...why? Are you worried that the people who read your Facebook page or Twitter account are going to think less of you? Are you worried you are going to spoil some image of yourself?
There are some pretty easy remedies to those fears. No one says you have to keep people on your social media...bump those people that drive you nuts. Delete those who won't support you. Are they family? That one can get touchy...but if it's really driving you nuts...out they go! You are a big girl (or boy) now!! You are so allowed to be your own person. If you are worried about your image...well, maybe you need to ask why? If you have to have this image of perfection out there for the world to see, you might have some issues that need tackling. While no one likes screwing up, or being broken and down...I think we will all be surprised to find out that UN-perfectionism is actually more attractive to other human beings than we thought.
So, there you go...there's my rant. If you actually made it all the way to the end...Thanks! You stuck with me! And I hope when I post on FB that I need a glass of wine...again...that you won't call Child Services, because you will totally understand where I'm coming from! (and no...I'm not drinking the wine so I can use the bottle for some Pinterest craft...that bottle is going in the recycle when I'm done with it!)
Why have I suddenly become this person who won't vent to friends and family? Why don't I put out there my failures, frustrations, or just general thoughts? I look around and notice many of my friends doing the same thing...if they even post at all!
I miss hearing from my friends so far away. I miss being able to commiserate with them...I miss being able to joke about the blunders of life. I miss seeing my friends' kids grow up...and I miss learning that they are going through the same craziness that my kids are going through. I miss feeling a real connection to those people I was once closest too.
It's a nasty trend, really, this need to be perfect. It's a horrible habit to indulge in, this need to show the world only the good. And while we are at it, why are we showing the "world" anything? Shouldn't our social media be for those people we actually like and want to hang out with? Shouldn't it be a personal experience where we can talk and show and BE ourselves because we know that we are among friends?
I don't know how it started, but somehow our social media is no longer about keeping up with friends and family, but it's this weird networking thing where we have to constantly be aware of someone "watching" us. Heaven forbid we put something out there about how we want to run away from home, or how our husband was an ass that day, or how our kids were horrible little heathens! Someone might judge us!! Sheesh.
I want to go back to the real. That's right...I went all Morpheus on you. I want to go to the real. That place where I know my friends are going to totally understand that I'm not an alcoholic, but it was a rough day and I want to be able to sleep that night. I want to be able to say my husband is a jerk because he bought himself a book and didn't think to bring me home a Starbucks's coffee. (seriously...that is kinda jerky!) My friends and family will know I'm not going to divorce him and they know I still love him...but man, if I can't vent to friends and family, who can I vent to?
Research is showing that this generation of social media is doing some damage. It's making us anti-social and depressed. More and more people are feeling like less because all that stuff out there that's all happy, and pretty, and perfect. All these people are totally content in their lives, have perfect kids, and bake the world's best cookies. Sure, sure...some people might think they live a blessed life and that's great. FOR THEM. The rest of us need more of "the real".
I think we need more people to put out there the times when they felt like God totally ignored them. Or that time they were pretty sure their kid was going to be in the 3rd grade forever. Or that other time when their kid pitched an absolute fit because you refused to buy the purple socks because they were $3 more! We need more honesty in the world. Tell about those times when you were lonely. Tell about the time you hated life and wanted to move to Brazil. Really. Tell us!
Why should you? Because it will help you and me. You will find more than one ear willing to listen, hands willing to fold in prayer, and more than one person out there is going to make you feel normal by saying "been there, done that". It will help me not feel alone. OH, Hooray! I'm not the only one with kids who might not see their next birthday. Really, your husband forgets when you have an appointment scheduled too? Awesome.
Seriously...let's consider being more open and honest with each other. Are you afraid? Why? I'm not saying that to be snarky, but to really ask...why? Are you worried that the people who read your Facebook page or Twitter account are going to think less of you? Are you worried you are going to spoil some image of yourself?
There are some pretty easy remedies to those fears. No one says you have to keep people on your social media...bump those people that drive you nuts. Delete those who won't support you. Are they family? That one can get touchy...but if it's really driving you nuts...out they go! You are a big girl (or boy) now!! You are so allowed to be your own person. If you are worried about your image...well, maybe you need to ask why? If you have to have this image of perfection out there for the world to see, you might have some issues that need tackling. While no one likes screwing up, or being broken and down...I think we will all be surprised to find out that UN-perfectionism is actually more attractive to other human beings than we thought.
So, there you go...there's my rant. If you actually made it all the way to the end...Thanks! You stuck with me! And I hope when I post on FB that I need a glass of wine...again...that you won't call Child Services, because you will totally understand where I'm coming from! (and no...I'm not drinking the wine so I can use the bottle for some Pinterest craft...that bottle is going in the recycle when I'm done with it!)
Friday, April 3, 2015
Dear Outraged Christian
Dear Outraged Christian,
I am a Christian too. By that I mean that I believe that Jesus was born as the Son of God, He lived a blameless life, died on the cross, endured hell for us, and then rose from the grave. He is the reason we are able to speak with God. He is the reason we are forgiven. He is the reason we are able to attain heaven.
That being said, I am also a watcher of news. I see the struggle Christians are facing - the choice to serve or not serve gays. Homosexuals. Sinners. Flaunters of God's law. Evil. Bad people. SINNERS!
Wait...did I go too far? That sounded pretty extreme, didn't it? It sounded a lot like hate. Last time I looked God did not command us to hate, but to love. Read an excerpt from Matthew 5:46-48. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
So you see, this is the problem that I have with these outraged Christians in the news. This cry that has gone out to be able to deny service to someone because they have sinned has such a large following it seems. I'll even go so far as to say once I was one of you Outraged Christians. Why should we bake wedding cakes for a sinful wedding? If we do this thing, are we saying we support this sin?
So I ask you, when Jesus allowed a fallen woman to wash his feet, did He support prostitution? When He called Zacchaeus, the tax collector, out of the tree, was He supporting those who rip people off? When He washed the feet of Judas, was He giving the thumbs up to those who sell people out and get them killed?
We as Christians are called to love everyone. Not just those people we are comfortable with, not just those we are easy around, but everyone. We as Christians are NOT called to point out the sin in all mankind, but to love and support all and correct those who are in the church with us. We as Christians are called to look to our own sins, before we point out anyone else's sin. Matthew 7:3 says Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
So, you might ask, would you have us support this most heinous of sins?? Here is what I say to that: Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel. Matthew 23:23-24 Is it justice to condemn those who are not Christian, or those who have been led astray? Is it mercy to cast people out for their sin? Is it faithfulness to believe we must do the punishing for God?
I also point out to you this: Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7 Jesus points out to us that who among us is worthy to condemn another human being. We each have our own sins. We all have our problems and we ALL need the forgiveness of God. Are we really worthy to stand in judgment of those who's sin is simply different from our own?
But what about supporting sin, you ask. Here's my question to you: how many people have ever asked you if you think their lifestyle is pleasing in the eyes of God? How many people have ever asked you if you think a certain act is sinful, according to God? I bet you can count those people on one hand. I bet you don't even have to use any fingers when you count.
I've NEVER had anyone ask me if I thought they way they lived was pleasing to God. I'm pretty sure, if their mind is on God, then they will already know the answer to that question. I've never had anyone ask me if a certain action, like homosexuality, is a sin. I'm pretty sure they already know they answer. I'm also pretty sure they don't want me to tell them the answer.
If someone ever asks you those specific questions, by all means tell the truth. If anyone ever asks you a question about the Gospel, then answer true. Anything else is as good as denying God.
Until that time, serve others with love. Until that time, BE grace. Until that time, look not for sins in others, but look instead to find God in your heart. Pray and really be willing to listen to the answers the Holy Spirit gives you.
Try to be a little less outraged. It really doesn't do any good. After all, our God can take care of Himself...He does not need us to be outraged on His behalf. But He does need us to LOVE on His behalf.
The world doesn't have enough love. We, as Christians, can change that.
I am a Christian too. By that I mean that I believe that Jesus was born as the Son of God, He lived a blameless life, died on the cross, endured hell for us, and then rose from the grave. He is the reason we are able to speak with God. He is the reason we are forgiven. He is the reason we are able to attain heaven.
That being said, I am also a watcher of news. I see the struggle Christians are facing - the choice to serve or not serve gays. Homosexuals. Sinners. Flaunters of God's law. Evil. Bad people. SINNERS!
Wait...did I go too far? That sounded pretty extreme, didn't it? It sounded a lot like hate. Last time I looked God did not command us to hate, but to love. Read an excerpt from Matthew 5:46-48. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
So you see, this is the problem that I have with these outraged Christians in the news. This cry that has gone out to be able to deny service to someone because they have sinned has such a large following it seems. I'll even go so far as to say once I was one of you Outraged Christians. Why should we bake wedding cakes for a sinful wedding? If we do this thing, are we saying we support this sin?
So I ask you, when Jesus allowed a fallen woman to wash his feet, did He support prostitution? When He called Zacchaeus, the tax collector, out of the tree, was He supporting those who rip people off? When He washed the feet of Judas, was He giving the thumbs up to those who sell people out and get them killed?
We as Christians are called to love everyone. Not just those people we are comfortable with, not just those we are easy around, but everyone. We as Christians are NOT called to point out the sin in all mankind, but to love and support all and correct those who are in the church with us. We as Christians are called to look to our own sins, before we point out anyone else's sin. Matthew 7:3 says Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
So, you might ask, would you have us support this most heinous of sins?? Here is what I say to that: Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel. Matthew 23:23-24 Is it justice to condemn those who are not Christian, or those who have been led astray? Is it mercy to cast people out for their sin? Is it faithfulness to believe we must do the punishing for God?
I also point out to you this: Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” John 8:7 Jesus points out to us that who among us is worthy to condemn another human being. We each have our own sins. We all have our problems and we ALL need the forgiveness of God. Are we really worthy to stand in judgment of those who's sin is simply different from our own?
But what about supporting sin, you ask. Here's my question to you: how many people have ever asked you if you think their lifestyle is pleasing in the eyes of God? How many people have ever asked you if you think a certain act is sinful, according to God? I bet you can count those people on one hand. I bet you don't even have to use any fingers when you count.
I've NEVER had anyone ask me if I thought they way they lived was pleasing to God. I'm pretty sure, if their mind is on God, then they will already know the answer to that question. I've never had anyone ask me if a certain action, like homosexuality, is a sin. I'm pretty sure they already know they answer. I'm also pretty sure they don't want me to tell them the answer.
If someone ever asks you those specific questions, by all means tell the truth. If anyone ever asks you a question about the Gospel, then answer true. Anything else is as good as denying God.
Until that time, serve others with love. Until that time, BE grace. Until that time, look not for sins in others, but look instead to find God in your heart. Pray and really be willing to listen to the answers the Holy Spirit gives you.
Try to be a little less outraged. It really doesn't do any good. After all, our God can take care of Himself...He does not need us to be outraged on His behalf. But He does need us to LOVE on His behalf.
The world doesn't have enough love. We, as Christians, can change that.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Parenting Lessons
Parenting, I have come to find out, is a constant learning process. In spite of the fact that my school years have longs passed, I still am having to gain new skills. Today I had to do another one of those learning lessons...or maybe I should say several of those learning lessons.
Today, my youngest was in tears as we worked on piano together. Now really why she was upset was because she had just been chastised about being more grateful for what she had, but piano got to take the blame for the moment. As I sat holding my sobbing child, it occurred to me how much I wanted to run away at the moment. Just get out and leave. I then realized that we hadn't left our house to do anything fun in a long time. No field trips, no fun exploring, nothing. So we went bowling today. But since I'm a kill two birds with one stone kind of mom, we stopped at the bx and the girls got hair cut first. That didn't turn out so well either.
My oldest daughter has hair cut issues anyway, but I have the rule that hair cannot be in the eyes. She was sad because she had been trying to get her hair to go to the side, but it's so heavy it just falls down. She was insistent that she get to keep trying. But I didn't listen. I had the lady cut her bangs above her eyebrows. My girl sat down next to me when it was done and we were waiting for the youngest and was quietly in tears. Once again, I wanted to run away. Just leave. I couldn't understand how a girl's identity could be so tied up in hair. I've never cared that much about my physical appearance. I still don't. But my girl did, and really, in the end, I guess that was all that mattered. My girl cared about what her hair looked like and I should too. It's hard to adjust a 34 year old mindset. It's hard to be understanding about something that I just didn't understand...but I figured it couldn't be any harder than looking at my girl's crumpled face. So, we talked about how we were going to work on her bangs growing out and then we went and bought her some clips to help her keep her bangs back. Just that quick all was right in the world again.
So, off to bowling we finally went. We had lunch, and surprisingly everyone actually ate without me being a nag. (In this house, that is cause for celebration) After that we are all off to bowl, when I stick my foot in my mouth. I challenged all the kids to bowl without bumpers and to score 50 or higher. While the older two readily accepted the challenge, the youngest...not so much. How I didn't cave for those first five frames is nothing short of a great mystery to me. God bless the woman with the little kids playing in the play place next to us. She called Emily over to encourage her and give her a few pointers. I'm not sure if it helped, but it surely didn't hurt. Finally, finally by the ninth frame...she knocked a pin over. Without bumpers. All on her own. I could have wept with joy. The look on her face was one I will never forget. She was so proud of herself. After that there was no stopping her. Her score didn't really get any better...but she kept on trying.
My kids are getting older now and I can't just do the because I said so thing any more. That thing about homeschooling is that I have finally become teacher and my words seem to finally have weight. What I think about them, what I say to them, how I act towards them and others...it all matters now. I used to get so frustrated because someone else's words weighed more heavily than mine did on their hearts...but now, I get frustrated with myself because I seem to so often not do the best things, and now what I say does matter to them.
I've got great kids. They aren't loud, rude, or pushy. They don't bounce off the walls in public, and they aren't harsh to other kids. They willingly volunteer their time to help others. I look at other kids and I wonder so often why mine aren't like them. I look at so many other kids and am grateful mine aren't like them. I guess I can't have it both ways. I know my kids have fun and play and do all those kid things and I probably shouldn't worry. But I do any way.
Today, my youngest was in tears as we worked on piano together. Now really why she was upset was because she had just been chastised about being more grateful for what she had, but piano got to take the blame for the moment. As I sat holding my sobbing child, it occurred to me how much I wanted to run away at the moment. Just get out and leave. I then realized that we hadn't left our house to do anything fun in a long time. No field trips, no fun exploring, nothing. So we went bowling today. But since I'm a kill two birds with one stone kind of mom, we stopped at the bx and the girls got hair cut first. That didn't turn out so well either.
My oldest daughter has hair cut issues anyway, but I have the rule that hair cannot be in the eyes. She was sad because she had been trying to get her hair to go to the side, but it's so heavy it just falls down. She was insistent that she get to keep trying. But I didn't listen. I had the lady cut her bangs above her eyebrows. My girl sat down next to me when it was done and we were waiting for the youngest and was quietly in tears. Once again, I wanted to run away. Just leave. I couldn't understand how a girl's identity could be so tied up in hair. I've never cared that much about my physical appearance. I still don't. But my girl did, and really, in the end, I guess that was all that mattered. My girl cared about what her hair looked like and I should too. It's hard to adjust a 34 year old mindset. It's hard to be understanding about something that I just didn't understand...but I figured it couldn't be any harder than looking at my girl's crumpled face. So, we talked about how we were going to work on her bangs growing out and then we went and bought her some clips to help her keep her bangs back. Just that quick all was right in the world again.
So, off to bowling we finally went. We had lunch, and surprisingly everyone actually ate without me being a nag. (In this house, that is cause for celebration) After that we are all off to bowl, when I stick my foot in my mouth. I challenged all the kids to bowl without bumpers and to score 50 or higher. While the older two readily accepted the challenge, the youngest...not so much. How I didn't cave for those first five frames is nothing short of a great mystery to me. God bless the woman with the little kids playing in the play place next to us. She called Emily over to encourage her and give her a few pointers. I'm not sure if it helped, but it surely didn't hurt. Finally, finally by the ninth frame...she knocked a pin over. Without bumpers. All on her own. I could have wept with joy. The look on her face was one I will never forget. She was so proud of herself. After that there was no stopping her. Her score didn't really get any better...but she kept on trying.
My kids are getting older now and I can't just do the because I said so thing any more. That thing about homeschooling is that I have finally become teacher and my words seem to finally have weight. What I think about them, what I say to them, how I act towards them and others...it all matters now. I used to get so frustrated because someone else's words weighed more heavily than mine did on their hearts...but now, I get frustrated with myself because I seem to so often not do the best things, and now what I say does matter to them.
I've got great kids. They aren't loud, rude, or pushy. They don't bounce off the walls in public, and they aren't harsh to other kids. They willingly volunteer their time to help others. I look at other kids and I wonder so often why mine aren't like them. I look at so many other kids and am grateful mine aren't like them. I guess I can't have it both ways. I know my kids have fun and play and do all those kid things and I probably shouldn't worry. But I do any way.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Do Your Job!
I don't do politics. I don't get into arguments about the President, or Congress, or even local government. I just don't. I personally think that everyone has an opinion about politics, and just like everyone has a bum...they all stink.
I'm going to break my rule of just not saying anything. Watching the news has just lit me up. I know, I know, the news is not always reliable. It's biased (no matter what they claim), it's not always accurate, and again is mostly filled with talking heads opinions. However, when the same thing is said over and over and over again by news stations who generally speaking can't agree on the day of the week, much less anything political...I tend to take notice.
First, either deport illegals or make everyone legal. For pity's sake, PICK ONE! If you make them legal, then make them get a social security number and pay taxes, Obamacare fees, and everything else we legal folks get stuck footing the bill for. If you are going to let illegals get a license, go to public schools, utilize hospitals, ect. then good golly, let them help pay for it! If you don't want to legalize everyone, then kick them out. Make the hard decision, and dump them back over the boarder. Take the money we would be using for licenses, schools, and hospital care, and beef up the border. Neither decision will be popular with everyone. Neither decisions will come with out any consequences. However, the president gets paid big bucks because those decisions are hard and often suck. Do your job!
Yes, I know...neither of those above choices are simple. Yes, we have to worry about those companies that employ illegals on the down low and that makes it so we can afford fresh fruit. Yes, we have to worry about ticking off those countries below us. I get it. I really do. However, this passing the buck on to the next sucker who gets elected really needs to stop. Sigh.
Second, there are bad, bad people in the world. Those bad, bad people beheaded an American. Those same people will do it again because they want to and because they have not been stopped. Some of these bad, bad people even come from our own country. And we HAVE NO PLAN. Seriously. No plan. Awesome. We, or more to the point our president, announced on world wide TV that "yeah, we got nothing". Way to strike fear into the hearts of those who intend us harm. I can see Isis shaking in their booties. NOT.
Ok, sarcasm aside, something needs to be done. While some people have the desire to make the Middle East a parking lot via dropped nukes, I'm a supporter of something a little less extreme. I know we can't fight all the wars. I know we don't have an inexhaustible supply of men and women who bleed red, white, and blue. I also know, not too many of our military would not be a supporter of kicking some serious Isis butt. You know, our saying in the US used to be "Walk softly, and carry a big stick". We didn't go out into the world starting stuff...but we were known for finishing it! Nowadays, not so much. We are seen as weak, ineffective, and just plain inept. It's a shame and it's disheartening, and really...it just makes me mad. It makes me mad because those who are set up to represent us, aren't. They just aren't. Americans are not cowards. They do not back down from a fight. They certainly don't let fellow Americans die in an act of terrorism without a single sound.
Finally, our education system. Ok, I have to take a deep breath in order to be able to do this one. Who in their right mind creates a new education system without using EDUCATORS to do it?? Who decides that a test is a measure of what a child is completely capable of? Who decides that it is best to teach each and every child the exact same way??!! Somewhere along the way our leaders lost their ever lovin' minds. This is not ok. We are killing the love of learning in our children. We are teaching them that a test is the end all, be all of their lives. We are teaching them that they are all exactly alike and to be different is wrong.
The outcry and outrage of educators and parents alike is not enough to encourage our leaders to do something about it. The blatant evidence that we are failing and falling behind other leading countries of the world is not enough to make our leaders do something about it. What will it take? How much damage must be done to our children before change (or better yet, let's just go back to the educators from the 60's and 70's...look at all the innovators that came from those eras) becomes a priority?
UNITED STATES REPRESENTATIVES, TO INCLUDE THE PRESIDENT...DO YOUR JOBS!! You are paid to represent the American people. The American people are pissed! Do your job. Make the changes that need to be made. Make the sucky, stinky, hateful decisions that need to be made. Be unpopular with some people...it won't kill you. Do what is right, not what makes you money, gets you more votes, or makes you look good. Look at the country you are supposed to represent, love and serve, and do your job. If you can't do it, step down and let someone else who can, do.
I hate politics....and I'm edging towards hating politicians. Hate is not good...I get that, but man, oh, man...it is past time for a change. The American people have plenty of backbone. Too bad those represent us to the world seem to be missing theirs.
I'm going to break my rule of just not saying anything. Watching the news has just lit me up. I know, I know, the news is not always reliable. It's biased (no matter what they claim), it's not always accurate, and again is mostly filled with talking heads opinions. However, when the same thing is said over and over and over again by news stations who generally speaking can't agree on the day of the week, much less anything political...I tend to take notice.
First, either deport illegals or make everyone legal. For pity's sake, PICK ONE! If you make them legal, then make them get a social security number and pay taxes, Obamacare fees, and everything else we legal folks get stuck footing the bill for. If you are going to let illegals get a license, go to public schools, utilize hospitals, ect. then good golly, let them help pay for it! If you don't want to legalize everyone, then kick them out. Make the hard decision, and dump them back over the boarder. Take the money we would be using for licenses, schools, and hospital care, and beef up the border. Neither decision will be popular with everyone. Neither decisions will come with out any consequences. However, the president gets paid big bucks because those decisions are hard and often suck. Do your job!
Yes, I know...neither of those above choices are simple. Yes, we have to worry about those companies that employ illegals on the down low and that makes it so we can afford fresh fruit. Yes, we have to worry about ticking off those countries below us. I get it. I really do. However, this passing the buck on to the next sucker who gets elected really needs to stop. Sigh.
Second, there are bad, bad people in the world. Those bad, bad people beheaded an American. Those same people will do it again because they want to and because they have not been stopped. Some of these bad, bad people even come from our own country. And we HAVE NO PLAN. Seriously. No plan. Awesome. We, or more to the point our president, announced on world wide TV that "yeah, we got nothing". Way to strike fear into the hearts of those who intend us harm. I can see Isis shaking in their booties. NOT.
Ok, sarcasm aside, something needs to be done. While some people have the desire to make the Middle East a parking lot via dropped nukes, I'm a supporter of something a little less extreme. I know we can't fight all the wars. I know we don't have an inexhaustible supply of men and women who bleed red, white, and blue. I also know, not too many of our military would not be a supporter of kicking some serious Isis butt. You know, our saying in the US used to be "Walk softly, and carry a big stick". We didn't go out into the world starting stuff...but we were known for finishing it! Nowadays, not so much. We are seen as weak, ineffective, and just plain inept. It's a shame and it's disheartening, and really...it just makes me mad. It makes me mad because those who are set up to represent us, aren't. They just aren't. Americans are not cowards. They do not back down from a fight. They certainly don't let fellow Americans die in an act of terrorism without a single sound.
Finally, our education system. Ok, I have to take a deep breath in order to be able to do this one. Who in their right mind creates a new education system without using EDUCATORS to do it?? Who decides that a test is a measure of what a child is completely capable of? Who decides that it is best to teach each and every child the exact same way??!! Somewhere along the way our leaders lost their ever lovin' minds. This is not ok. We are killing the love of learning in our children. We are teaching them that a test is the end all, be all of their lives. We are teaching them that they are all exactly alike and to be different is wrong.
The outcry and outrage of educators and parents alike is not enough to encourage our leaders to do something about it. The blatant evidence that we are failing and falling behind other leading countries of the world is not enough to make our leaders do something about it. What will it take? How much damage must be done to our children before change (or better yet, let's just go back to the educators from the 60's and 70's...look at all the innovators that came from those eras) becomes a priority?
UNITED STATES REPRESENTATIVES, TO INCLUDE THE PRESIDENT...DO YOUR JOBS!! You are paid to represent the American people. The American people are pissed! Do your job. Make the changes that need to be made. Make the sucky, stinky, hateful decisions that need to be made. Be unpopular with some people...it won't kill you. Do what is right, not what makes you money, gets you more votes, or makes you look good. Look at the country you are supposed to represent, love and serve, and do your job. If you can't do it, step down and let someone else who can, do.
I hate politics....and I'm edging towards hating politicians. Hate is not good...I get that, but man, oh, man...it is past time for a change. The American people have plenty of backbone. Too bad those represent us to the world seem to be missing theirs.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Gender Ministry
I read an article today that struck a chord in me. It talked about a woman who hated, or at least really disliked, women's ministry. This woman started talking about how she wasn't a tea and beauty kind of girl. She was tired of hearing how beautiful she was through the eyes of God. She was tired of being shown the "perfect Godly" woman. (See article here)
I have to admit, I'm not a girly girl. I feel awkward and out of place at those tea parties that get hosted so often in women's ministry. I feel like a bull in a china shop when we do a "beauty tips" lesson. Even worse, I feel loud, and pushy, and un-woman-like when I declare my dislike of certain books of the Bible. (My least favorite is Esther...I know, I know how can I not like that book? I'm weird, I admit it.)
I have attended women's Bible studies for the last 7 or 8 years and can honestly say I've never felt like I fit. Why in the world would I keep going for that long if I was never comfortable? For a long time, I couldn't figure it out. I'm really not a glutton for punishment. I don't enjoy being uncomfortable, nor do I enjoy being on the outside of a group looking in.
I had thought that women's Bible study was a part of being Christian. You know what, I still think it is. Once a week I may have been uncomfortable, out of place, and more than a little lost. Once a week I stated my unpopular opinions, feelings and thoughts. Once a week I drug my Bible and my kids down the street to church and braced for the worst.
I'm better for it. I know I am. Since I steadfastly endured the opinions and thoughts of others, I have become more understanding of those whose situations in life have differed from mine. I have learned patience...and I've learned to shut my mouth. I've learned to stand against wrong thoughts and to state the unpopular Biblical facts. I've learned that God does not ask me to be comfortable, nor does He expect me to be silent when truth is needed. God often asks me to curb my own instincts and fight my own nature.
I still don't like the book of Esther. I'd still rather study the WHOLE book of Proverbs rather than just Ch 31. I still don't like beauty sessions or dress up tea parties. I'm not sure that will ever change.
So, while I understand the above mentioned woman, with her dislike of "women's ministry", and I understand her need to study the WHOLE Bible and not just the parts that apply to women, I also hope that she keeps going to those women's studies. You see, there are people at those studies who need her...they need her frankness, her lack of vanity, her intensity in reaching God, her determination to focus on GOD and not self. However, she needs them too. She needs to remember that women are beautiful, that they do play certain roles in life, that God does call on us to improve our "womanly ways". If those things were not true and necessary, they would not be written about in the Bible.
Ladies, don't give up on your women's Bible study groups. There is a balance and while it is not always going to be comfortable or fun, it is going to grow you and change you. God asks that of us...stagnant growth is as bad as stagnant water. No one wants that.
I have to admit, I'm not a girly girl. I feel awkward and out of place at those tea parties that get hosted so often in women's ministry. I feel like a bull in a china shop when we do a "beauty tips" lesson. Even worse, I feel loud, and pushy, and un-woman-like when I declare my dislike of certain books of the Bible. (My least favorite is Esther...I know, I know how can I not like that book? I'm weird, I admit it.)
I have attended women's Bible studies for the last 7 or 8 years and can honestly say I've never felt like I fit. Why in the world would I keep going for that long if I was never comfortable? For a long time, I couldn't figure it out. I'm really not a glutton for punishment. I don't enjoy being uncomfortable, nor do I enjoy being on the outside of a group looking in.
I had thought that women's Bible study was a part of being Christian. You know what, I still think it is. Once a week I may have been uncomfortable, out of place, and more than a little lost. Once a week I stated my unpopular opinions, feelings and thoughts. Once a week I drug my Bible and my kids down the street to church and braced for the worst.
I'm better for it. I know I am. Since I steadfastly endured the opinions and thoughts of others, I have become more understanding of those whose situations in life have differed from mine. I have learned patience...and I've learned to shut my mouth. I've learned to stand against wrong thoughts and to state the unpopular Biblical facts. I've learned that God does not ask me to be comfortable, nor does He expect me to be silent when truth is needed. God often asks me to curb my own instincts and fight my own nature.
I still don't like the book of Esther. I'd still rather study the WHOLE book of Proverbs rather than just Ch 31. I still don't like beauty sessions or dress up tea parties. I'm not sure that will ever change.
So, while I understand the above mentioned woman, with her dislike of "women's ministry", and I understand her need to study the WHOLE Bible and not just the parts that apply to women, I also hope that she keeps going to those women's studies. You see, there are people at those studies who need her...they need her frankness, her lack of vanity, her intensity in reaching God, her determination to focus on GOD and not self. However, she needs them too. She needs to remember that women are beautiful, that they do play certain roles in life, that God does call on us to improve our "womanly ways". If those things were not true and necessary, they would not be written about in the Bible.
Ladies, don't give up on your women's Bible study groups. There is a balance and while it is not always going to be comfortable or fun, it is going to grow you and change you. God asks that of us...stagnant growth is as bad as stagnant water. No one wants that.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Divided We Fall
Today in Korea we will celebrate the Independence of America. We will do it with all sorts of traditional things, like BBQ, bounce houses, face paint, singing, dancing, and of course, fireworks. It promises to be a great day...if it doesn't rain, and no one gets hurt. A big if!
However, my day hasn't quite started yet. I haven't woken up the kids to get ready for our fun run and I'm still in my pj's drinking coffee. I'm pondering.
Over 200 years ago we fought so hard to be free from oppression and tyranny. We shed blood to own the right to be called our own nation. Some perished, some mourned, some showed extraordinary courage, and some...some just lived. When the smoke cleared, when silence finally reigned, we found ourselves free.
The road to freedom was bloody and hard, but the road through freedom has not been any easier. The fight to pull together and become a country is probably little known. The States did not want an overseer and fought a central government hard! The fight to add to our nation caused us to war with other countries, some might even say we stole land from another country. The entire middle section of our country was technically purchased illegally. The fight to recognize people as human beings, despite skin color, tore this nation apart.
It amazes me that people look to America as a beacon of hope, because we are constantly fighting with one another over SOMETHING. We are expected to save the world because we call democracy our way of life and yet...we fight with each other. Even today with certain issues, we fight each other. There is no calm discussion of rights or ideals. There is no walking away from a disagreement thinking "what a fine fellow that was. Too bad we don't agree.". No. Instead there is division and hatred, meanness and cruelty towards fellow man.
There is a saying "United we stand. Divided we fall." I look at the place I call home and I wonder how much longer it will stand. I wonder how long it will be before civil war breaks out again in my own home. How much longer will it be before MY home is war torn?
I see so much discord and anger. I see people fanning the flames of hatred. No longer are we allowed to politely express opinions if they go against main stream. No longer do the people govern. No longer are we strong, hardy individuals. No...now we are a pampered society with #firstworldproblems and fear lurking in our hearts.
I'm afraid for my children growing up in this America. I'm afraid because the government keeps secrets, neighbor turns against neighbor, and the need to fit in has become paramount to success. I'm afraid because the wealth gap is huge and because greed has taken over, no longer concerned about supporting our local area, but concerned about the bigger profit margin. I'm afraid because I have raised my children to speak up when they see something wrong, and sadly, I'm afraid that will make them outcasts.
I love America. I served her for 5 years. I am proud that my family has a military background. Attending my father's retirement is a highlight of my life. I love what this country stands for and what it is supposed to mean to oppressed nations everywhere. I love the diversity and variety one can see all across this great land. I just love it. And I'm afraid for it.
This Fourth of July I wonder if we are thinking about freedom and the price paid...or if we are thinking about firing up the grill. I hope you all take a moment to THINK, and maybe start looking for ways to make our country stronger.
Happy 4th y'all!!
However, my day hasn't quite started yet. I haven't woken up the kids to get ready for our fun run and I'm still in my pj's drinking coffee. I'm pondering.
Over 200 years ago we fought so hard to be free from oppression and tyranny. We shed blood to own the right to be called our own nation. Some perished, some mourned, some showed extraordinary courage, and some...some just lived. When the smoke cleared, when silence finally reigned, we found ourselves free.
The road to freedom was bloody and hard, but the road through freedom has not been any easier. The fight to pull together and become a country is probably little known. The States did not want an overseer and fought a central government hard! The fight to add to our nation caused us to war with other countries, some might even say we stole land from another country. The entire middle section of our country was technically purchased illegally. The fight to recognize people as human beings, despite skin color, tore this nation apart.
It amazes me that people look to America as a beacon of hope, because we are constantly fighting with one another over SOMETHING. We are expected to save the world because we call democracy our way of life and yet...we fight with each other. Even today with certain issues, we fight each other. There is no calm discussion of rights or ideals. There is no walking away from a disagreement thinking "what a fine fellow that was. Too bad we don't agree.". No. Instead there is division and hatred, meanness and cruelty towards fellow man.
There is a saying "United we stand. Divided we fall." I look at the place I call home and I wonder how much longer it will stand. I wonder how long it will be before civil war breaks out again in my own home. How much longer will it be before MY home is war torn?
I see so much discord and anger. I see people fanning the flames of hatred. No longer are we allowed to politely express opinions if they go against main stream. No longer do the people govern. No longer are we strong, hardy individuals. No...now we are a pampered society with #firstworldproblems and fear lurking in our hearts.
I'm afraid for my children growing up in this America. I'm afraid because the government keeps secrets, neighbor turns against neighbor, and the need to fit in has become paramount to success. I'm afraid because the wealth gap is huge and because greed has taken over, no longer concerned about supporting our local area, but concerned about the bigger profit margin. I'm afraid because I have raised my children to speak up when they see something wrong, and sadly, I'm afraid that will make them outcasts.
I love America. I served her for 5 years. I am proud that my family has a military background. Attending my father's retirement is a highlight of my life. I love what this country stands for and what it is supposed to mean to oppressed nations everywhere. I love the diversity and variety one can see all across this great land. I just love it. And I'm afraid for it.
This Fourth of July I wonder if we are thinking about freedom and the price paid...or if we are thinking about firing up the grill. I hope you all take a moment to THINK, and maybe start looking for ways to make our country stronger.
Happy 4th y'all!!
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Insane Military Wife
In my experience, there are two general types of wives in the military. There are the ones who do EVERYTHING and the ones who stay home.
There is nothing wrong with either one of those types, and both have their issues.
The wife who does everything is involved in everything she can possibly be involved in by her choice. (yes, I said her...most spouses are women, so forgive me if any men read this. Sorry!) If she a church goer, then she's in the church, the choir, the nursery, doing a Bible study and helping organize meals for the sick. If she's all about her kids then she does PTA, fund raisers, team sports, volunteers at the Youth Center, and probably runs a tutoring group out of her home.
The wife who stays home tends to cook, clean, organize, read, write, craft, ect. As long as she can stay home and do it, it's done. Some tend to do a zillion freezer meals. Others are the authors of those tricky Pinterest crafts (I hate you, by the way). Still others have probably read every book in the library, so they get bored and write their own. Then there are those who have the magazine style house (I hate you too).
Can you see where I'm going with this? Can you see the eventual overload that comes with both of these types?
Military wives are a special breed. They have to have an awesome coping mechanism or they go crazy. Unfortunately, our coping mechanism can make us crazy.
I'm one of those insane military wives, and I'm the kind that does it all...or at least tries. When my children were in school, I ran the Airman's Attic (a military Goodwill...kind of), was on the board for PTA, was part of my Bible study group and organized music for the once a week meetings, did all that annoying fundraiser stuff, organized dances, helped my husband with work issues that popped up, kept a pretty clean house, cooked meals for people who had just had a baby, took a friend of mine to all his doc appointments, took his daughter to a good chunk of her appointments too. Oh, and helped with homework, kept my kids from killing each other, let my husband vent about people that caused him problems and still found time to have coffee with my friends and occasionally drag them out to, like, the zoo or something.
Oh my goodness. I'm tired just writing that.
Now that I homeschool...I homeschool. Yeah, ha ha. So, I teach my kids...something...everyday. We go on field trips, and I drag my homebody friends with us, I still help my husband with his people problems and venting, still keep a decent house, still cook, but I don't do the PTA thing anymore. Now I just go from extra activity, to the grocery store, and back again.
It's summer time now and my friends probably hate me. Namely because I hate my own house. I can't stay home. I have to go, do, see something - even if it's just the swimming pool for the fifth time that week. We take public transportation to museums and explore the open air markets. Not for a school assignment or searching for something in particular, but just...because. I've heard more than once from my friends get complaints from their kids because "Miss April takes her kids to the...(fill in the blank. Why can't you take me??" Yeah, I'm not good for the kids who have parents that are homebodies. Sorry friends.
Every now and then, it all catches up with me and I just can't do any more. There's a time when I wake up one morning and I don't have the energy to get out of my pj's. I think my kids actually look forward to these day when they can watch all the TV they want and play unlimited video games. After all, those days don't come often.
I can't speak for the wives who stay home. I do know, that every now and then, they go a little crazy too. That's usually when they come hang out with me. Ha ha!
So, yup, military wives are just a little insane. I'm not sure what that says about our husbands!
There is nothing wrong with either one of those types, and both have their issues.
The wife who does everything is involved in everything she can possibly be involved in by her choice. (yes, I said her...most spouses are women, so forgive me if any men read this. Sorry!) If she a church goer, then she's in the church, the choir, the nursery, doing a Bible study and helping organize meals for the sick. If she's all about her kids then she does PTA, fund raisers, team sports, volunteers at the Youth Center, and probably runs a tutoring group out of her home.
The wife who stays home tends to cook, clean, organize, read, write, craft, ect. As long as she can stay home and do it, it's done. Some tend to do a zillion freezer meals. Others are the authors of those tricky Pinterest crafts (I hate you, by the way). Still others have probably read every book in the library, so they get bored and write their own. Then there are those who have the magazine style house (I hate you too).
Can you see where I'm going with this? Can you see the eventual overload that comes with both of these types?
Military wives are a special breed. They have to have an awesome coping mechanism or they go crazy. Unfortunately, our coping mechanism can make us crazy.
I'm one of those insane military wives, and I'm the kind that does it all...or at least tries. When my children were in school, I ran the Airman's Attic (a military Goodwill...kind of), was on the board for PTA, was part of my Bible study group and organized music for the once a week meetings, did all that annoying fundraiser stuff, organized dances, helped my husband with work issues that popped up, kept a pretty clean house, cooked meals for people who had just had a baby, took a friend of mine to all his doc appointments, took his daughter to a good chunk of her appointments too. Oh, and helped with homework, kept my kids from killing each other, let my husband vent about people that caused him problems and still found time to have coffee with my friends and occasionally drag them out to, like, the zoo or something.
Oh my goodness. I'm tired just writing that.
Now that I homeschool...I homeschool. Yeah, ha ha. So, I teach my kids...something...everyday. We go on field trips, and I drag my homebody friends with us, I still help my husband with his people problems and venting, still keep a decent house, still cook, but I don't do the PTA thing anymore. Now I just go from extra activity, to the grocery store, and back again.
It's summer time now and my friends probably hate me. Namely because I hate my own house. I can't stay home. I have to go, do, see something - even if it's just the swimming pool for the fifth time that week. We take public transportation to museums and explore the open air markets. Not for a school assignment or searching for something in particular, but just...because. I've heard more than once from my friends get complaints from their kids because "Miss April takes her kids to the...(fill in the blank. Why can't you take me??" Yeah, I'm not good for the kids who have parents that are homebodies. Sorry friends.
Every now and then, it all catches up with me and I just can't do any more. There's a time when I wake up one morning and I don't have the energy to get out of my pj's. I think my kids actually look forward to these day when they can watch all the TV they want and play unlimited video games. After all, those days don't come often.
I can't speak for the wives who stay home. I do know, that every now and then, they go a little crazy too. That's usually when they come hang out with me. Ha ha!
So, yup, military wives are just a little insane. I'm not sure what that says about our husbands!
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Things I've Learned About Korea in the Last Year
Living in Korea has brought some interesting experiences to our family. I've found some funny things while living here...so enjoy!
1. If you have blond haired, blue eyed daughters...hide them! Or cut their hair, dye it black, and give them colored contacts. They will hate you for it...right up until they see another blond girl accosted by a herd (that's right, I said herd) of little, old Korean ladies. They love to smile, and rub their hair, and speak to them in quick Korean. Even if it is really obvious the kids can't understand a word they say! We've had ladies follow us down the street, just to pet my daughters!
2. Koreans are astonishingly giving. I hate being beholden to anyone, but in Korean culture, once you are accepted as part of their family...they do A LOT for you! We have a friend who has "adopted" us into his family. So, every time we go to Busan we are not allowed to pay for ANYTHING! Thank goodness we were able to convince them to come visit us at Osan so we could return the favor!
3. Koreans drive like nervous teenagers, and yet somehow, I haven't seen any serious crashes. I've watched their feet swing back and forth between the gas and brake pedal like a champion racer. And there is nothing gentle about how they push on the pedals either! I've never been so grateful for seatbelts in my whole life.
4. Koreans can make anything! They are the MacGyver's of the world. I've watched a man take sticks and nut shells and make a beautiful forest creature out of them. I've seen piles of scrap be turned into art. Seriously, give them toothpicks and scrap cloth and you will be amazed. No lie!
5. I will never learn the language. Never. I've picked up a handful of words in the year I have been here, and I probably butcher them. Koreans are just too polite to say anything. I can't read the signs either...it's like looking at a pretty,modern art picture, trying to figure out what it means.
6. The people here can EAT! And eat, and eat, and eat. And they still stay so skinny. I'll never be able to buy clothes here. I'm a size 12 by the way. I always think I'm being rude when I refuse seconds, but I'm afraid if I agree then I'll end up wasting food...or get sick trying to eat too much. I don't know how they do it! Now, granted most of it (if not all of it) is really healthy and they can all tell you the good things those foods are supposed to do for your body. I just can't take in that much in one sitting.
7. I've learned to try everything at least once. I mean, really...when I am ever again going to be able to say that I was offered duck's butt? (Really, I've had it...surprisingly spicy!) Or that I was able to pick out my own eel? Or had some kind of fermented bean paste? Sure, there's a good possibility I won't like it, but hey...I tried it!
8. The trains here will take you ANYWHERE! Really, anywhere! The subway and speedy trains are awesome. And pretty cheap! OH, and there are buses (I haven't been brave enough to try them) off base that, again, go anywhere. And when all that fails...just walk. I'm pretty sure my legs and tush are going to be amazing when I get back to the states.
9. Never go to any tourist attraction on the weekend. The massive amount of people at them will crush you. Shudder. They pack people in here like sardines! I'm all about my personal bubble...yeah, it's been popped here. Whimper. So we travel and see things during the week, you know, when most people are at work.
10. Korea is beautiful. There really is something here for everyone. Hiking, night life, culture, museums, festivals, shopping, eating...you name it...it's here! You just have to leave base to find it. And maybe get lost a few times. And definitely stuck in traffic at least 10 times. Oh, and spend more than you planned to because, I mean really that deal is just too good to pass up!
I like it here...most days. I still really feel like a foreigner and stick out like a sore thumb, but the things I've seen and done here are amazing. I hope my next year here is just as amazing!
1. If you have blond haired, blue eyed daughters...hide them! Or cut their hair, dye it black, and give them colored contacts. They will hate you for it...right up until they see another blond girl accosted by a herd (that's right, I said herd) of little, old Korean ladies. They love to smile, and rub their hair, and speak to them in quick Korean. Even if it is really obvious the kids can't understand a word they say! We've had ladies follow us down the street, just to pet my daughters!
2. Koreans are astonishingly giving. I hate being beholden to anyone, but in Korean culture, once you are accepted as part of their family...they do A LOT for you! We have a friend who has "adopted" us into his family. So, every time we go to Busan we are not allowed to pay for ANYTHING! Thank goodness we were able to convince them to come visit us at Osan so we could return the favor!
3. Koreans drive like nervous teenagers, and yet somehow, I haven't seen any serious crashes. I've watched their feet swing back and forth between the gas and brake pedal like a champion racer. And there is nothing gentle about how they push on the pedals either! I've never been so grateful for seatbelts in my whole life.
4. Koreans can make anything! They are the MacGyver's of the world. I've watched a man take sticks and nut shells and make a beautiful forest creature out of them. I've seen piles of scrap be turned into art. Seriously, give them toothpicks and scrap cloth and you will be amazed. No lie!
5. I will never learn the language. Never. I've picked up a handful of words in the year I have been here, and I probably butcher them. Koreans are just too polite to say anything. I can't read the signs either...it's like looking at a pretty,modern art picture, trying to figure out what it means.
6. The people here can EAT! And eat, and eat, and eat. And they still stay so skinny. I'll never be able to buy clothes here. I'm a size 12 by the way. I always think I'm being rude when I refuse seconds, but I'm afraid if I agree then I'll end up wasting food...or get sick trying to eat too much. I don't know how they do it! Now, granted most of it (if not all of it) is really healthy and they can all tell you the good things those foods are supposed to do for your body. I just can't take in that much in one sitting.
7. I've learned to try everything at least once. I mean, really...when I am ever again going to be able to say that I was offered duck's butt? (Really, I've had it...surprisingly spicy!) Or that I was able to pick out my own eel? Or had some kind of fermented bean paste? Sure, there's a good possibility I won't like it, but hey...I tried it!
8. The trains here will take you ANYWHERE! Really, anywhere! The subway and speedy trains are awesome. And pretty cheap! OH, and there are buses (I haven't been brave enough to try them) off base that, again, go anywhere. And when all that fails...just walk. I'm pretty sure my legs and tush are going to be amazing when I get back to the states.
9. Never go to any tourist attraction on the weekend. The massive amount of people at them will crush you. Shudder. They pack people in here like sardines! I'm all about my personal bubble...yeah, it's been popped here. Whimper. So we travel and see things during the week, you know, when most people are at work.
10. Korea is beautiful. There really is something here for everyone. Hiking, night life, culture, museums, festivals, shopping, eating...you name it...it's here! You just have to leave base to find it. And maybe get lost a few times. And definitely stuck in traffic at least 10 times. Oh, and spend more than you planned to because, I mean really that deal is just too good to pass up!
I like it here...most days. I still really feel like a foreigner and stick out like a sore thumb, but the things I've seen and done here are amazing. I hope my next year here is just as amazing!
Monday, May 19, 2014
I am a Christian
I am a Christian. That doesn't make me stupid. It doesn't mean I don't study science, or teach my children about the Big Bang Theory. It doesn't make me blind or a bigot.
It means I have faith in a higher power. It means I choose to follow a certain set of rules that go with being a Christian. Even when I think those rules stink sometimes.
I am a Christian. That doesn't make me perfect or better than anyone. It doesn't make me a fanatic or crazy.
I get so tired of hearing people slam Christians as stupid, or bigots, or haters. It bothers me when I have friends who seem to go out of their way to insult my faith because I don't support gay marriage, or abortion, or wearing immodest clothes.
No. I don't support gay marriage. I will not vote and say "Yes" to something because you think it's the right thing to do. On that same note, I will not go out of my way to make a gay person feel like a leper. I will not cast stones at their house, nor will I make my children avoid their children. I just won't tell that person what they are doing is right. Why is that so wrong?
When did it become wrong to have an opinion? When did it become really wrong to have an opinion different from yours? When did it become wrong to believe in God?
No. I don't support abortion. Not at 10 weeks, 20 weeks, or 40 weeks. It is wrong to kill a child. Does that mean I will fire bomb abortion clinics? No! Does that mean I will hate those who have made the choice to have an abortion? NO! Does it mean I will mourn the lose of life when that decision is made? Yes!
What a selfish society we have become, when we can claim that abortion, all abortion, is a woman's right to her health! There is life growing inside a woman when she is pregnant, and life is beautiful! We get so angry at little girls abandoned in China simply because she is a girl. We get angry when a child is left in a dumpster or on a doorstep. I see no difference when one is pulled out of a woman's body and put in an orange trash bag.
No. I don't support women being able to dress like a hooker. Does that mean I agree that a woman "Asked for it" when she is raped? Certainly not! I support modesty for an entirely different reason. What happened to the idea that our bodies are something special? What happened to the idea that women should only reveal a little of their bodies, to keep something back for the man who loves her?
When did it become ok for our boobs to hang out of our shirts and our bums to hang out of our shorts? Why is the current obsession about letting it all hang out...sending the message that we think our bodies are for "display only"? Why don't women have more respect for themselves than that? Why aren't they teaching their daughters to have more respect for themselves than that?!
Society bothers me these days! So much emphasis is put on what feels good that we forget there is a consequence for our actions. We think about more, better, and now, and we forget the value of patience and earning something. We compete with each other for material goods and we forget the value of simple things...like playing outside with a ball in the rain.
More than all that, it really bothers me that as an American I'm being told that my choices, my opinions are invalid and unvalued...all because I do not agree with what is popular. More and more, I feel the need to speak out, to shout out about my faith and my God...maybe because I'm tired of being called stupid and bigot. Or maybe because God is telling me it's time to crank up my light for the world to see. I don't know...but I sure am tired of being silent.
It means I have faith in a higher power. It means I choose to follow a certain set of rules that go with being a Christian. Even when I think those rules stink sometimes.
I am a Christian. That doesn't make me perfect or better than anyone. It doesn't make me a fanatic or crazy.
I get so tired of hearing people slam Christians as stupid, or bigots, or haters. It bothers me when I have friends who seem to go out of their way to insult my faith because I don't support gay marriage, or abortion, or wearing immodest clothes.
No. I don't support gay marriage. I will not vote and say "Yes" to something because you think it's the right thing to do. On that same note, I will not go out of my way to make a gay person feel like a leper. I will not cast stones at their house, nor will I make my children avoid their children. I just won't tell that person what they are doing is right. Why is that so wrong?
When did it become wrong to have an opinion? When did it become really wrong to have an opinion different from yours? When did it become wrong to believe in God?
No. I don't support abortion. Not at 10 weeks, 20 weeks, or 40 weeks. It is wrong to kill a child. Does that mean I will fire bomb abortion clinics? No! Does that mean I will hate those who have made the choice to have an abortion? NO! Does it mean I will mourn the lose of life when that decision is made? Yes!
What a selfish society we have become, when we can claim that abortion, all abortion, is a woman's right to her health! There is life growing inside a woman when she is pregnant, and life is beautiful! We get so angry at little girls abandoned in China simply because she is a girl. We get angry when a child is left in a dumpster or on a doorstep. I see no difference when one is pulled out of a woman's body and put in an orange trash bag.
No. I don't support women being able to dress like a hooker. Does that mean I agree that a woman "Asked for it" when she is raped? Certainly not! I support modesty for an entirely different reason. What happened to the idea that our bodies are something special? What happened to the idea that women should only reveal a little of their bodies, to keep something back for the man who loves her?
When did it become ok for our boobs to hang out of our shirts and our bums to hang out of our shorts? Why is the current obsession about letting it all hang out...sending the message that we think our bodies are for "display only"? Why don't women have more respect for themselves than that? Why aren't they teaching their daughters to have more respect for themselves than that?!
Society bothers me these days! So much emphasis is put on what feels good that we forget there is a consequence for our actions. We think about more, better, and now, and we forget the value of patience and earning something. We compete with each other for material goods and we forget the value of simple things...like playing outside with a ball in the rain.
More than all that, it really bothers me that as an American I'm being told that my choices, my opinions are invalid and unvalued...all because I do not agree with what is popular. More and more, I feel the need to speak out, to shout out about my faith and my God...maybe because I'm tired of being called stupid and bigot. Or maybe because God is telling me it's time to crank up my light for the world to see. I don't know...but I sure am tired of being silent.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
A Mom for Mother's Day
Tomorrow is Mother's Day.
What makes a mom? What sets a woman apart from all the other women to be entitled to a day of her own? Is popping out a child a reason to celebrate? Is giving a child a roof, clothes, food and an education enough to be called mom? Does a woman have to follow a certain set of child raising rules (which, if you have a copy, can you please send it to me?) in order to be given the title of Mom?
I'm wondering this today, because honestly I wonder what my kids think of me. I was watching the news today and listening to those cute 5 and 6 year old kids they find answer the question "What is your Mom to you?", and it made me wonder...and hope...and fear, just a little what the answers of my children would be like.
All the time you see commercials, or blogs, or YouTube videos about moms and how hard their job is or all the things they put up with or all the work and support they give to their children. Really and truly, those little pieces of media make us sound like a super hero in disguise! Man, I want my cape!
However, I know that every day I have to make choices. I have to choose whether to clean my house or dance with my daughters. I have to choose to work on math problems or practice batting with my son. I have to choose to read a book for myself, or read a book to my youngest. I know I have to choose patience (again) or to loose my cool. I have to choose to learn a new way to help my daughter learn Biblical concepts or just get frustrated that she can't get it the way I'm teaching it to everyone.
I know I have to choose to SHOW love and not just say love. I know that I don't always make the right choice.
I think the mom who is worth celebrating, is the mom who messes up. The mom we give thanks for is the mom who got up that morning and said "I'm going to try again". The moms who never give up, who never stop learning, who make the choices that are hard and heartbreaking and not always right in the eyes of everyone else.
I love my mom. I look back and know that every day she made the decision to not give up on me. Every day she made a choice to try again...no matter how badly I frustrated, annoyed, irritated, or frightened her. Every day she got up and told herself that she loved me and I was worth the fight.
I know this now because I have three kids of my own, and because I have made mistakes from day one. I know this now because I have had to make some of the same decisions. I was not the easiest of kids...and neither are my kids! I guess that means, in reality, no kid is easy. I don't think they are supposed to be easy.
So, what makes a mom worth celebrating? Do you worry if you are worthy? Well, if you are one of those moms who is worried about if she's doing it right...if she's raising good human beings...if she's not warping the minds of her children...then I'm pretty sure you are worthy. Relax, momma. Enjoy your day...however it plays out. :)
What makes a mom? What sets a woman apart from all the other women to be entitled to a day of her own? Is popping out a child a reason to celebrate? Is giving a child a roof, clothes, food and an education enough to be called mom? Does a woman have to follow a certain set of child raising rules (which, if you have a copy, can you please send it to me?) in order to be given the title of Mom?
I'm wondering this today, because honestly I wonder what my kids think of me. I was watching the news today and listening to those cute 5 and 6 year old kids they find answer the question "What is your Mom to you?", and it made me wonder...and hope...and fear, just a little what the answers of my children would be like.
All the time you see commercials, or blogs, or YouTube videos about moms and how hard their job is or all the things they put up with or all the work and support they give to their children. Really and truly, those little pieces of media make us sound like a super hero in disguise! Man, I want my cape!
However, I know that every day I have to make choices. I have to choose whether to clean my house or dance with my daughters. I have to choose to work on math problems or practice batting with my son. I have to choose to read a book for myself, or read a book to my youngest. I know I have to choose patience (again) or to loose my cool. I have to choose to learn a new way to help my daughter learn Biblical concepts or just get frustrated that she can't get it the way I'm teaching it to everyone.
I know I have to choose to SHOW love and not just say love. I know that I don't always make the right choice.
I think the mom who is worth celebrating, is the mom who messes up. The mom we give thanks for is the mom who got up that morning and said "I'm going to try again". The moms who never give up, who never stop learning, who make the choices that are hard and heartbreaking and not always right in the eyes of everyone else.
I love my mom. I look back and know that every day she made the decision to not give up on me. Every day she made a choice to try again...no matter how badly I frustrated, annoyed, irritated, or frightened her. Every day she got up and told herself that she loved me and I was worth the fight.
I know this now because I have three kids of my own, and because I have made mistakes from day one. I know this now because I have had to make some of the same decisions. I was not the easiest of kids...and neither are my kids! I guess that means, in reality, no kid is easy. I don't think they are supposed to be easy.
So, what makes a mom worth celebrating? Do you worry if you are worthy? Well, if you are one of those moms who is worried about if she's doing it right...if she's raising good human beings...if she's not warping the minds of her children...then I'm pretty sure you are worthy. Relax, momma. Enjoy your day...however it plays out. :)
Monday, April 21, 2014
Those things I said NEVER to...
Life is never what I expect it to be. I look back on all those things I thought would happen and just don't see any of them there. You see, I thought my life would progress a certain way. I was sure that I would meet certain milestones at certain times. I was even more positive of things that I would and would not do in my life. I was incredibly wrong.
Two years ago I began homeschooling. I began this after trashing homeschoolers, saying I could never do it, and even writing a thesis paper on how public schools were so much better than homeschooling. Yup...was not going to homeschool. If I was ever put into the position where I would "have" to, I was certain I would go to jail. Not for truancy, but for murder of three minors!
However, God had a different plan. In spite of my fears, doubts and lack of knowledge (and the fears and doubts of many I love and respect), I pulled my kids out of public school and sent in my notice of intent to homeschool in New Mexico. New Mexico promptly washed its hands of me. I was on my own.
I remember thinking there needs to be more discipline in homeschooling. After all, kids went to public school for 8 hours a day...mine kids would school for the same amount of time. I remember thinking school work would be done at their desks, which my parents so kindly got us for Christmas. I remember thinking that I would become "Teacher" and "Mom" would go away until after school was done. I remember thinking a lot!
I remember never thinking about sibling relations and the fights that go with that. I remember not even considering the issue of creativity and boredom. I remember never doubting that I was smart enough to do this...and then we actually began schooling.
The first year sucked. I'm not sure how we got through it. I'm not sure how we are all still alive, because I have no doubt that many a meeting took place in the back yard with my kids. I have no doubt they were planning my untimely demise. I myself plotted ways to dispose of bodies. (I love watching CSI...so many tips, right?) There were fights. Fights among brother and sister, sister and sister, mother and son, mother and daughter, mother and mother (yeah, you read that right...I fought with myself). There were days I threatened to ground MYSELF just so I could have some alone time and quiet. There were other days I said screw it and we just didn't do anything that day.
I cried a lot that first year. My kids cried a lot that first year. I can't think of anything good about that first year.
Except...Katie learned to be creative and bold again. David learned that it is actually important for people to be able to read what he writes. Emily thrived under the challenge of learning beyond her grade level. Katie learned that tests do not have to be feared. David learned that it's ok to read books. Emily learned it's alright to be smart. Yeah...nothing good happened that year.
We have two months left of schooling this year. I'm not counting down or anything...just reminding myself that we really do need to finish up this grade level eventually (sooner rather than later would be nice). As I look around my house I see the things I SWORE I would not allow. I see my kids art work on all the walls. I see Mars colony plans, and laundry baskets of unfolded clothes. I see a scarred dining room table with hand written letters waiting to be mailed, a canvas painting, and a white board with a geography lesson on it. I see school desks with half finished art projects, graded papers, trophies and who knows what else on them. I see dust and finger prints, toys and...and learning. I see my children's pride in what they are doing. I see their gratitude that I think what they are doing is worth tacking up on walls, leaving on a desk to be finished, or even worth leaving chores undone so something else can be learned.
I still don't know if I'm doing this right. I still worry and still get frustrated and still debate if going back to "real school" would be better for them. I still listen to the concerns of those I love and respect and doubt my ability to do what is best. Then I look around my house and see my kids. I see my son researching WWII planes. I see my oldest daughter creating works of HER art. I see my youngest daughter dragging out the Bible to voluntarily read to me...you know, the kid who swears she can't read? I see improvements in math and spelling and handwriting. I see joy during science experiments, and I hear three children going out of their way to help each other learn.
So, for those of you out there who face those same fears and doubts, for those of you fighting back tears and screams of rage and frustration...don't worry. You aren't alone. Take a deep breath and just get through today. Tomorrow is a whole 'nother kettle of fish and it will only give you a headache to think about it. Look around your house and find the good things...even if they are buried under dishes and laundry and little bit of blood from that last fight between siblings. I think we are all doing better than we think we are.
Or at least I sincerely hope so!
Two years ago I began homeschooling. I began this after trashing homeschoolers, saying I could never do it, and even writing a thesis paper on how public schools were so much better than homeschooling. Yup...was not going to homeschool. If I was ever put into the position where I would "have" to, I was certain I would go to jail. Not for truancy, but for murder of three minors!
However, God had a different plan. In spite of my fears, doubts and lack of knowledge (and the fears and doubts of many I love and respect), I pulled my kids out of public school and sent in my notice of intent to homeschool in New Mexico. New Mexico promptly washed its hands of me. I was on my own.
I remember thinking there needs to be more discipline in homeschooling. After all, kids went to public school for 8 hours a day...mine kids would school for the same amount of time. I remember thinking school work would be done at their desks, which my parents so kindly got us for Christmas. I remember thinking that I would become "Teacher" and "Mom" would go away until after school was done. I remember thinking a lot!
I remember never thinking about sibling relations and the fights that go with that. I remember not even considering the issue of creativity and boredom. I remember never doubting that I was smart enough to do this...and then we actually began schooling.
The first year sucked. I'm not sure how we got through it. I'm not sure how we are all still alive, because I have no doubt that many a meeting took place in the back yard with my kids. I have no doubt they were planning my untimely demise. I myself plotted ways to dispose of bodies. (I love watching CSI...so many tips, right?) There were fights. Fights among brother and sister, sister and sister, mother and son, mother and daughter, mother and mother (yeah, you read that right...I fought with myself). There were days I threatened to ground MYSELF just so I could have some alone time and quiet. There were other days I said screw it and we just didn't do anything that day.
I cried a lot that first year. My kids cried a lot that first year. I can't think of anything good about that first year.
Except...Katie learned to be creative and bold again. David learned that it is actually important for people to be able to read what he writes. Emily thrived under the challenge of learning beyond her grade level. Katie learned that tests do not have to be feared. David learned that it's ok to read books. Emily learned it's alright to be smart. Yeah...nothing good happened that year.
We have two months left of schooling this year. I'm not counting down or anything...just reminding myself that we really do need to finish up this grade level eventually (sooner rather than later would be nice). As I look around my house I see the things I SWORE I would not allow. I see my kids art work on all the walls. I see Mars colony plans, and laundry baskets of unfolded clothes. I see a scarred dining room table with hand written letters waiting to be mailed, a canvas painting, and a white board with a geography lesson on it. I see school desks with half finished art projects, graded papers, trophies and who knows what else on them. I see dust and finger prints, toys and...and learning. I see my children's pride in what they are doing. I see their gratitude that I think what they are doing is worth tacking up on walls, leaving on a desk to be finished, or even worth leaving chores undone so something else can be learned.
I still don't know if I'm doing this right. I still worry and still get frustrated and still debate if going back to "real school" would be better for them. I still listen to the concerns of those I love and respect and doubt my ability to do what is best. Then I look around my house and see my kids. I see my son researching WWII planes. I see my oldest daughter creating works of HER art. I see my youngest daughter dragging out the Bible to voluntarily read to me...you know, the kid who swears she can't read? I see improvements in math and spelling and handwriting. I see joy during science experiments, and I hear three children going out of their way to help each other learn.
So, for those of you out there who face those same fears and doubts, for those of you fighting back tears and screams of rage and frustration...don't worry. You aren't alone. Take a deep breath and just get through today. Tomorrow is a whole 'nother kettle of fish and it will only give you a headache to think about it. Look around your house and find the good things...even if they are buried under dishes and laundry and little bit of blood from that last fight between siblings. I think we are all doing better than we think we are.
Or at least I sincerely hope so!
Thursday, March 20, 2014
New Year, New Blessings
This is year has been a strange year. One filled with pain, waiting, indecision, and so many blessings and miracles. I know it's March, and the end of March to boot, but I feel the need to think on my new year blessings.
You see, we began the year without a dog. Daddy has some pretty severe allergies. We have tried other dogs before, and within days all of them were a no go. Our poor hearts have been broken more than once, not to mention our wallets! For some reason, my husband refused to take allergy pills. I guess he didn't want to have to remember one more pill in the morning. Suddenly, after the new year, my husband decided that since he couldn't give the boy a brother, he would do his best to give him a dog. He agreed to start taking allergy pills. Now, being here in Korea made finding the right dog a serious challenge. There was no puppy store, no variety of shelters to visit to help us pick the perfect dog. Suddenly, there was the perfect dog! And just a suddenly, he had new owners. Sigh.
The boy really wanted that dog, but he was afraid of being broken hearted again. He didn't know what to do. I thought about it and remembered a class I took where the discussion revolved around being specific in our prayers. Yes, God already knows what we want, but He wants us to talk to Him. To tell Him in great detail our needs and heart's desires. So, the boy and I laid down together one night and prayed...for a dog that could be ours forever, for a dog that wouldn't make daddy sick, for a dog that would love us, for a dog that could handle being in an apartment...and if we could have those things, we asked God to provide one for us within the next 30 days. If we did not find a dog in 30 days we would know God did not plan on us having a dog in our family.
One week later, that same dog I thought would have been perfect but got adopted by someone else, was suddenly available again. Just like that...for no reason the new owners decided they couldn't keep him. I heard God speaking. The weekend after we found out he was available again, we went out to go see him.
It has been two months now and we still have our dog Lupin. He is crazy and plays with us and tries to sleep on the bed with me and follows us everywhere. Daddy isn't sick. That silly dog was our first blessing of the year.
At the same time we were looking for a dog to join our family, I needed surgery. I had a couple of ovarian cysts that were giving me a great deal of trouble. I was no longer myself...I had turned into the weak, tired, sick woman that was just no fun to be around. Our homeschool was suffering because I often had to take naps or pause to be ill. Many days I was happy if we managed to get two subjects done before I gave up for the day. I was originally scheduled to have surgery in mid January. I was so excited to finally have it done....and then my surgeon called and said it was a no go. He was refusing to do the surgery.
I was so mad! Everything in our lives was suffering because I could not do the things I had always done and this bonehead decides it's too risky for him to do the surgery. I have to admit I asked God Why?! Ugh! I was less than happy, especially when I understood they were going to send me downtown to a Korean hospital. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Korea...I have enjoyed my time here. I still speak only about 5 words of Korean, but I'm supposed to have surgery in a Korean hospital??
Needless to say, there was no convincing the doc to do the surgery in the American hospital and my insurance was NOT going to send me stateside just so I wasn't uncomfortable with the culture and language differences. I went off to Samsung Medical Center at the end of January more than a little nervous.
SMC was really nice. They had a wonderful English speaking guide to take us around everywhere. The doctor spoke English and seemed to think the surgery would be a piece of cake (unlike my American doctor). He sent me off to consult with another doc just to make sure everything on the inside was working well. I got my preop stuff all taken care of, and I was stoked because that meant surgery should be pretty soon. Right?
Wrong. My surgery was not to be scheduled until 14 March. I won't lie...I cried in the car on the way home. I had to wait two whole months before I could be better. Before I could walk to the store without pain, before I could teach all day without being exhausted, before I could go sightseeing again, before I could eat without wanting to be sick, before I could clean my house to my standards, before...well, just before.
I don't remember yelling at God this time. I just remember crying to Him. I was sad, and sick and tired...and He wanted me to wait another 2 months on top of all the time I had already waited. I knew everything happened for a reason and that there can be a lesson learned in the trials of life. So, I started trying to understand and started looking for the lesson. Strangely enough, I started going back to church again and took the kids with me. I remember the final sermon before I had my surgery was about not looking back at the "good ole days", but at finding the blessings in today. Taking a look at what it is I have now and being thankful for it. Finally, I think I understood what it was He was trying to show me. In spite of all my problems, I still had much. Because of my weakness, I learned to let others help me. I gave the kids more responsibility, and asked my husband for more help with the errands. I got a house cleaner to come out twice a week (oh, that one stung!) so I didn't loose my mind over a dirty house. I learned to let things go.
We were also worried about how the surgery would go. After all, the last time I had surgery it did NOT go as planned. In fact there were many things that went against the plan. Instead of a 90 minute surgery, I was on the table for 6 hours. The docs here at SMC could not tell me if they could see anything inside me that might indicate a repeat of my first surgery. We simply did not know what would happen. So, as with the dog, we prayed. Specifically, intentionally and with great purpose. I asked others to pray in the same way for me...something I rarely do. I really didn't want another 6 week recovery period. I really just wanted to be normal again.
On March 14th, I went in to surgery at 0930 and woke up at 1200. I had not been cut open. There would be no long recovery. I went home the very next day. I could walk, pee, lift, and do normal things. God blessed us with a miracle once again. I am me again. I can't wait for next week so I can do regular school work with the kids, and I can take them outside for PE and do a field trip. I am me again.
Finally, yesterday, we received another blessing of the new year. My husband made rank. We don't have to retire now. We don't have to worry about finding a job right after we come back from Korea. We don't have to worry about completing a Masters degree in two years. After having our life plans up in the air since December of last year, God has given us guidance. God had given my husband hope that the faithful are still rewarded and that hard work does not go unnoticed. God has given my children a shining example of the fact that doing what God asks does bring about rewards. God has shown all of us that our prayers are certainly heard. We are blessed this new year indeed.
The beginning of this year has taught us to wait on His time. To pray, not vaguely and half-heartedly, but with purpose and with great faith that He will do what He says. This year has reminded us that miracles still happen, the faithful receive rewards from heaven, and that yes, He certainly does love His children.
I know that sounds blithe and happy go lucky. I know the world is still full of sorrow and pain. I know bad things will happen, and they may even happen to my family. I know. But right now, I will give praise and thanks for the simple, yet meaningful, things God has done for us in these past three months. I will continue to believe in the hope called Christ.
You see, we began the year without a dog. Daddy has some pretty severe allergies. We have tried other dogs before, and within days all of them were a no go. Our poor hearts have been broken more than once, not to mention our wallets! For some reason, my husband refused to take allergy pills. I guess he didn't want to have to remember one more pill in the morning. Suddenly, after the new year, my husband decided that since he couldn't give the boy a brother, he would do his best to give him a dog. He agreed to start taking allergy pills. Now, being here in Korea made finding the right dog a serious challenge. There was no puppy store, no variety of shelters to visit to help us pick the perfect dog. Suddenly, there was the perfect dog! And just a suddenly, he had new owners. Sigh.
The boy really wanted that dog, but he was afraid of being broken hearted again. He didn't know what to do. I thought about it and remembered a class I took where the discussion revolved around being specific in our prayers. Yes, God already knows what we want, but He wants us to talk to Him. To tell Him in great detail our needs and heart's desires. So, the boy and I laid down together one night and prayed...for a dog that could be ours forever, for a dog that wouldn't make daddy sick, for a dog that would love us, for a dog that could handle being in an apartment...and if we could have those things, we asked God to provide one for us within the next 30 days. If we did not find a dog in 30 days we would know God did not plan on us having a dog in our family.
One week later, that same dog I thought would have been perfect but got adopted by someone else, was suddenly available again. Just like that...for no reason the new owners decided they couldn't keep him. I heard God speaking. The weekend after we found out he was available again, we went out to go see him.
It has been two months now and we still have our dog Lupin. He is crazy and plays with us and tries to sleep on the bed with me and follows us everywhere. Daddy isn't sick. That silly dog was our first blessing of the year.
At the same time we were looking for a dog to join our family, I needed surgery. I had a couple of ovarian cysts that were giving me a great deal of trouble. I was no longer myself...I had turned into the weak, tired, sick woman that was just no fun to be around. Our homeschool was suffering because I often had to take naps or pause to be ill. Many days I was happy if we managed to get two subjects done before I gave up for the day. I was originally scheduled to have surgery in mid January. I was so excited to finally have it done....and then my surgeon called and said it was a no go. He was refusing to do the surgery.
I was so mad! Everything in our lives was suffering because I could not do the things I had always done and this bonehead decides it's too risky for him to do the surgery. I have to admit I asked God Why?! Ugh! I was less than happy, especially when I understood they were going to send me downtown to a Korean hospital. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Korea...I have enjoyed my time here. I still speak only about 5 words of Korean, but I'm supposed to have surgery in a Korean hospital??
Needless to say, there was no convincing the doc to do the surgery in the American hospital and my insurance was NOT going to send me stateside just so I wasn't uncomfortable with the culture and language differences. I went off to Samsung Medical Center at the end of January more than a little nervous.
SMC was really nice. They had a wonderful English speaking guide to take us around everywhere. The doctor spoke English and seemed to think the surgery would be a piece of cake (unlike my American doctor). He sent me off to consult with another doc just to make sure everything on the inside was working well. I got my preop stuff all taken care of, and I was stoked because that meant surgery should be pretty soon. Right?
Wrong. My surgery was not to be scheduled until 14 March. I won't lie...I cried in the car on the way home. I had to wait two whole months before I could be better. Before I could walk to the store without pain, before I could teach all day without being exhausted, before I could go sightseeing again, before I could eat without wanting to be sick, before I could clean my house to my standards, before...well, just before.
I don't remember yelling at God this time. I just remember crying to Him. I was sad, and sick and tired...and He wanted me to wait another 2 months on top of all the time I had already waited. I knew everything happened for a reason and that there can be a lesson learned in the trials of life. So, I started trying to understand and started looking for the lesson. Strangely enough, I started going back to church again and took the kids with me. I remember the final sermon before I had my surgery was about not looking back at the "good ole days", but at finding the blessings in today. Taking a look at what it is I have now and being thankful for it. Finally, I think I understood what it was He was trying to show me. In spite of all my problems, I still had much. Because of my weakness, I learned to let others help me. I gave the kids more responsibility, and asked my husband for more help with the errands. I got a house cleaner to come out twice a week (oh, that one stung!) so I didn't loose my mind over a dirty house. I learned to let things go.
We were also worried about how the surgery would go. After all, the last time I had surgery it did NOT go as planned. In fact there were many things that went against the plan. Instead of a 90 minute surgery, I was on the table for 6 hours. The docs here at SMC could not tell me if they could see anything inside me that might indicate a repeat of my first surgery. We simply did not know what would happen. So, as with the dog, we prayed. Specifically, intentionally and with great purpose. I asked others to pray in the same way for me...something I rarely do. I really didn't want another 6 week recovery period. I really just wanted to be normal again.
On March 14th, I went in to surgery at 0930 and woke up at 1200. I had not been cut open. There would be no long recovery. I went home the very next day. I could walk, pee, lift, and do normal things. God blessed us with a miracle once again. I am me again. I can't wait for next week so I can do regular school work with the kids, and I can take them outside for PE and do a field trip. I am me again.
Finally, yesterday, we received another blessing of the new year. My husband made rank. We don't have to retire now. We don't have to worry about finding a job right after we come back from Korea. We don't have to worry about completing a Masters degree in two years. After having our life plans up in the air since December of last year, God has given us guidance. God had given my husband hope that the faithful are still rewarded and that hard work does not go unnoticed. God has given my children a shining example of the fact that doing what God asks does bring about rewards. God has shown all of us that our prayers are certainly heard. We are blessed this new year indeed.
The beginning of this year has taught us to wait on His time. To pray, not vaguely and half-heartedly, but with purpose and with great faith that He will do what He says. This year has reminded us that miracles still happen, the faithful receive rewards from heaven, and that yes, He certainly does love His children.
I know that sounds blithe and happy go lucky. I know the world is still full of sorrow and pain. I know bad things will happen, and they may even happen to my family. I know. But right now, I will give praise and thanks for the simple, yet meaningful, things God has done for us in these past three months. I will continue to believe in the hope called Christ.
Monday, February 24, 2014
The Real Homeschool
One of the challenges no one really talks about with homeschooling has nothing to do with your kids, or lack of money, or the all powerful social scene. It has to do with the teacher. No, not the teacher's qualifications or college education, but the health of that teacher.
I've discovered over the last several months that my health plays a key role in my ability to homeschool. You can't really teach fractions with your head in the toilet. You can't do science experiments while you are blinded by a migraine. You certainly can't go over a history lesson passed out in bed.
I never thought about that aspect of homeschooling before. I'm a healthy person, not inclined to illness or weakness, so it's been quite the eye opener lately to find myself restricted to only being able to fit in a few hours, if any, of teaching my children.
My children have handled this remarkably well. I can't tell you how many times I've been told to go lie down, or drink some water, eat some lunch, or quit working so hard. Now, granted I'm a suspicious kind of person, so I'm pretty sure there were ulterior motives behind this niceness. After all, if I was in bed I wasn't making them write book reports or reduce fractions or look up misspelled words in the dictionary. I can't really say I blame them but it preyed on my mind constantly that my health was going to make my children fail in life. Yup, I went there...in LIFE. Not just this grade or even in school, but in all of life itself. Sigh.
My health still isn't what it will be in 17 days and a wake up, after I have surgery. Every day is still a challenge, and honestly, it's an unknown factor until I actually put my feet on the floor every morning. My kids still ask if we are having school every morning. My response is still yes...for now.
I've also discovered that homeschooling is remarkably flexible. Children adapt and somehow still absorb what ever knowledge you put in front of them. Watching You Tube videos of the Liberty Kids isn't an epic fail. Playing spelling word Twister is an acceptable form of education. Watching National Geographic brings up some really interesting questions that can take hours to discuss. Reading books out loud can not only fill the time; it can bring peace to the house.
We will catch up on our fractions, and letters, and handwriting. After all, they don't have to "move on" to the next grade until they are ready. And they certainly don't have to fill in every problem in their workbook in order to be considered ready to move on.
All that being said, today we had our first "full" day of schooling in about two weeks. There were some tears, there were some things we will do tomorrow instead of today, and there was fun. We learned today and worked today. We will try to do the same tomorrow...and if we can't, then we'll watch some more Nat Geo, and that's ok too.
I've discovered over the last several months that my health plays a key role in my ability to homeschool. You can't really teach fractions with your head in the toilet. You can't do science experiments while you are blinded by a migraine. You certainly can't go over a history lesson passed out in bed.
I never thought about that aspect of homeschooling before. I'm a healthy person, not inclined to illness or weakness, so it's been quite the eye opener lately to find myself restricted to only being able to fit in a few hours, if any, of teaching my children.
My children have handled this remarkably well. I can't tell you how many times I've been told to go lie down, or drink some water, eat some lunch, or quit working so hard. Now, granted I'm a suspicious kind of person, so I'm pretty sure there were ulterior motives behind this niceness. After all, if I was in bed I wasn't making them write book reports or reduce fractions or look up misspelled words in the dictionary. I can't really say I blame them but it preyed on my mind constantly that my health was going to make my children fail in life. Yup, I went there...in LIFE. Not just this grade or even in school, but in all of life itself. Sigh.
My health still isn't what it will be in 17 days and a wake up, after I have surgery. Every day is still a challenge, and honestly, it's an unknown factor until I actually put my feet on the floor every morning. My kids still ask if we are having school every morning. My response is still yes...for now.
I've also discovered that homeschooling is remarkably flexible. Children adapt and somehow still absorb what ever knowledge you put in front of them. Watching You Tube videos of the Liberty Kids isn't an epic fail. Playing spelling word Twister is an acceptable form of education. Watching National Geographic brings up some really interesting questions that can take hours to discuss. Reading books out loud can not only fill the time; it can bring peace to the house.
We will catch up on our fractions, and letters, and handwriting. After all, they don't have to "move on" to the next grade until they are ready. And they certainly don't have to fill in every problem in their workbook in order to be considered ready to move on.
All that being said, today we had our first "full" day of schooling in about two weeks. There were some tears, there were some things we will do tomorrow instead of today, and there was fun. We learned today and worked today. We will try to do the same tomorrow...and if we can't, then we'll watch some more Nat Geo, and that's ok too.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Musings
My daughter told me the other day "I feel like God is telling me I'm going to be challenged, and that this is going to be hard". It struck a chord in me because I had been feeling the same way.
Some of you know I have to have surgery again. I have some things growing inside me that just aren't supposed to be there. I'm pretty certain that the children I have a miracles from God, because as messed up as my insides are, I should not have had kids! Anyway, I was sent up to the Army base here to have surgery and was recently told that they cannot do my surgery. They don't have a certain specialist on staff and don't want to risk needing that person when they open me up.
The surgeon recommend me going stateside to have the surgery. That brought up so many questions for my family...where will they send me? Can my family come with me? How long will I be stateside? Whew! On and on - the what-ifs were eating me alive. Not to mention they may deny me going stateside and tell me to have surgery here in Korea.
Over all of this is the hurry up and wait...hurry up and wait while the pain gets worse, the sickness increases and my day is limited because exercise and stress makes the pain worse. You guys know I am not good at this waiting thing. That being said, I'm having to model patience and faith to my children. They, too, are worried and impatient. They have their doubts and fears. Something a person never thinks of before they have kids is can I hide my fears in front of my children? Can I over come the stress of a situation to put a good face on it for the kids? I'm hoping that most days I succeed.
In the meantime, life carries on. Our holidays aren't really holidays any more, but more like times of service. I'm almost ok with that...almost. OK, not really. I have to admit I miss the times when holidays were about the family I'm related to by blood and not about my extended AF family...but I know we did good this year. Airmen were fed and loved on, they go to experience the joys of family with kids and all, and I know how to get them to leave without asking. Put on a kid's movie! About half way through the movie they were bored senseless and were more than willing to go home! hehe. I never said I was a nice person.
We also hosted our extended Korean family for a little holiday here at the base. I think they had a good time...I think. They are so polite and friendly, I bet they could have been bored senseless and never said a word! I know the kids enjoyed their visit, especially since they got to meet one of the sons of the family. He even played basketball with them!
We were given Korean names and we even use them occasionally. The irony of mine is that it sounds just like AWOL. That's right...absent without official leave. hehe. Go figure!
We are trying to get back into seeing the sights of Korea...as much as I can before the pain kicks in, sigh. We saw Seoul tower and dropped a ton of cash doing it! Pretty, yes. Expensive, yes. Worth it...maybe. At least my husband will quit nagging for us to go. Next stop, Incheon...Gateway to Korea.
I guess that's it for now. I suppose this makes up for my lack of posting on Facebook. :)
Some of you know I have to have surgery again. I have some things growing inside me that just aren't supposed to be there. I'm pretty certain that the children I have a miracles from God, because as messed up as my insides are, I should not have had kids! Anyway, I was sent up to the Army base here to have surgery and was recently told that they cannot do my surgery. They don't have a certain specialist on staff and don't want to risk needing that person when they open me up.
The surgeon recommend me going stateside to have the surgery. That brought up so many questions for my family...where will they send me? Can my family come with me? How long will I be stateside? Whew! On and on - the what-ifs were eating me alive. Not to mention they may deny me going stateside and tell me to have surgery here in Korea.
Over all of this is the hurry up and wait...hurry up and wait while the pain gets worse, the sickness increases and my day is limited because exercise and stress makes the pain worse. You guys know I am not good at this waiting thing. That being said, I'm having to model patience and faith to my children. They, too, are worried and impatient. They have their doubts and fears. Something a person never thinks of before they have kids is can I hide my fears in front of my children? Can I over come the stress of a situation to put a good face on it for the kids? I'm hoping that most days I succeed.
In the meantime, life carries on. Our holidays aren't really holidays any more, but more like times of service. I'm almost ok with that...almost. OK, not really. I have to admit I miss the times when holidays were about the family I'm related to by blood and not about my extended AF family...but I know we did good this year. Airmen were fed and loved on, they go to experience the joys of family with kids and all, and I know how to get them to leave without asking. Put on a kid's movie! About half way through the movie they were bored senseless and were more than willing to go home! hehe. I never said I was a nice person.
We also hosted our extended Korean family for a little holiday here at the base. I think they had a good time...I think. They are so polite and friendly, I bet they could have been bored senseless and never said a word! I know the kids enjoyed their visit, especially since they got to meet one of the sons of the family. He even played basketball with them!
We were given Korean names and we even use them occasionally. The irony of mine is that it sounds just like AWOL. That's right...absent without official leave. hehe. Go figure!
We are trying to get back into seeing the sights of Korea...as much as I can before the pain kicks in, sigh. We saw Seoul tower and dropped a ton of cash doing it! Pretty, yes. Expensive, yes. Worth it...maybe. At least my husband will quit nagging for us to go. Next stop, Incheon...Gateway to Korea.
I guess that's it for now. I suppose this makes up for my lack of posting on Facebook. :)
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Fearless....Psalm 3
I like this Psalm! This is a great reminder that no matter what we face, we can face it with the confidence that God will protect us.
As I read the first 2 verses, I think to myself how times have simply not changed. There are still those who do not believe in God. There are still those who would hate those who do believe in God. There are still those who sit back to watch and see if "their God" will save us. The method may be a little different, what with Facebook, cell phones, and news media...but the mentality has not changed. I find that sad, especially here in America where we are supposed to be tolerant of one another. Yes, I find it sad.
The next two verses, however, tell us that not only will He shield us but he will give us glory. I guess each person has a different vision of glory, and that's fine, but God promises that if we follow His path He will bestow glory upon us.
We are reminded that our breath, our life, our ability to wake up in the morning, is due to the good grace of God. We get up every morning because God says we should. While at first there might be a little bit of bitterness at that thought...the thought that God can just say "phfft" and not let us wake up the next morning, once we progress to a deeper trust in God we see though that God chooses to sustain our lives! It is because of Him that we breathe. It is because of Him we see the dawn...and He does not have to be that gracious to us!
On the other note, we are told to not fear. I'm not sure how many times that phrase is in the Bible but I know it's in there a lot! Don't fear! God's got this! What are you worried for? No matter what the situation, fear should not be our response.
We are able to call upon God to strike down our enemies. I think we either forget that, or we are afraid to use that now days. I guess it's not nice and loving to ask God to strike down our enemies. I can honestly say I've never asked for that...I've always asked for more love, more patience, greater understanding. I wonder what would happen if I asked God to simply strike down the enemy? I wonder what would happen if more people remembered we are allowed to do that, and began asking God to strike down the enemy. This Psalm doesn't ask for God to kill them...but to deliever a crushing blow-something they won't forget. This is a strike that may remind people God is! How cool is that?
Yes, I like this Psalm. "May your blessing be on your people."
As I read the first 2 verses, I think to myself how times have simply not changed. There are still those who do not believe in God. There are still those who would hate those who do believe in God. There are still those who sit back to watch and see if "their God" will save us. The method may be a little different, what with Facebook, cell phones, and news media...but the mentality has not changed. I find that sad, especially here in America where we are supposed to be tolerant of one another. Yes, I find it sad.
The next two verses, however, tell us that not only will He shield us but he will give us glory. I guess each person has a different vision of glory, and that's fine, but God promises that if we follow His path He will bestow glory upon us.
We are reminded that our breath, our life, our ability to wake up in the morning, is due to the good grace of God. We get up every morning because God says we should. While at first there might be a little bit of bitterness at that thought...the thought that God can just say "phfft" and not let us wake up the next morning, once we progress to a deeper trust in God we see though that God chooses to sustain our lives! It is because of Him that we breathe. It is because of Him we see the dawn...and He does not have to be that gracious to us!
On the other note, we are told to not fear. I'm not sure how many times that phrase is in the Bible but I know it's in there a lot! Don't fear! God's got this! What are you worried for? No matter what the situation, fear should not be our response.
We are able to call upon God to strike down our enemies. I think we either forget that, or we are afraid to use that now days. I guess it's not nice and loving to ask God to strike down our enemies. I can honestly say I've never asked for that...I've always asked for more love, more patience, greater understanding. I wonder what would happen if I asked God to simply strike down the enemy? I wonder what would happen if more people remembered we are allowed to do that, and began asking God to strike down the enemy. This Psalm doesn't ask for God to kill them...but to deliever a crushing blow-something they won't forget. This is a strike that may remind people God is! How cool is that?
Yes, I like this Psalm. "May your blessing be on your people."
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Holiday Spirit
My husband told me yesterday that every year I tell him I'm just not in the holiday spirit. And usually every year, that really bothers me. I can't seem to find the cheer and hyped up hyper that seems to be part of this season. My mentality towards people doesn't seem to change and I just really don't have this huge adjustment in my life during this time of the year.
Oh, sure...we share dinner and maybe a good chunk of our day with people that are mostly strangers. So far I haven't given anyone food poisoning...I'm pretty proud of that! I make and bake more cookies that should be humanly possible. I buy gifts and wrap them up in pretty paper and put them under a tree. I tell my kids the story of the birth of Jesus, again, and bake a cake for His birthday.
Other than that...life stays the same. Apparently not for many others. Shelters, hospitals, charities get massive donations at Christmas time. People start giving. Churches get crowded. Good will towards all men is the theme of the day. Kids have parties in school and dress in red and green for cute holiday concerts. Families have huge get togethers. Life is more genial and loving all around.
Sure, people are still homeless. People still get sick and laid off and have bad days. Wars still go on. Prisons still have prisoners. But for some reason, there is something extra happy about this time of year and I can't seem to find it.
You see, I think the story of the birth and death of Christ should be told all the time. I think we should donate all the time. I think we should have good will towards men all the time. I think we should help others all the time. I think we should randomly bake cookies for someone...you guessed it...all the time!
Why should our lives do such a huge about face in this season? Why should we have a "holiday spirit" and not an "all the time spirit"?
If you are a person of faith, I can tell you that no where in the Bible does it say rejoice more during a certain time of the year than others. No where does it say give more during the winter than during the summer. No where does it say kindness is conditional on the calendar.
Maybe that's why I can't find my holiday spirit...maybe I manage to keep it all year round. Ok, that's bragging and simply not true! But I do try...and I think we all should too.
I challenge you...give like you do during the holidays all year round. Have that same compassion in the summer as you do in winter. Love all year and love well! I think our world would change if we held the whole year as a time of joy and celebration, instead of just a couple of months. Let us remember each day, each life, each moment is precious...no matter where, when or how we find ourselves!
Oh, sure...we share dinner and maybe a good chunk of our day with people that are mostly strangers. So far I haven't given anyone food poisoning...I'm pretty proud of that! I make and bake more cookies that should be humanly possible. I buy gifts and wrap them up in pretty paper and put them under a tree. I tell my kids the story of the birth of Jesus, again, and bake a cake for His birthday.
Other than that...life stays the same. Apparently not for many others. Shelters, hospitals, charities get massive donations at Christmas time. People start giving. Churches get crowded. Good will towards all men is the theme of the day. Kids have parties in school and dress in red and green for cute holiday concerts. Families have huge get togethers. Life is more genial and loving all around.
Sure, people are still homeless. People still get sick and laid off and have bad days. Wars still go on. Prisons still have prisoners. But for some reason, there is something extra happy about this time of year and I can't seem to find it.
You see, I think the story of the birth and death of Christ should be told all the time. I think we should donate all the time. I think we should have good will towards men all the time. I think we should help others all the time. I think we should randomly bake cookies for someone...you guessed it...all the time!
Why should our lives do such a huge about face in this season? Why should we have a "holiday spirit" and not an "all the time spirit"?
If you are a person of faith, I can tell you that no where in the Bible does it say rejoice more during a certain time of the year than others. No where does it say give more during the winter than during the summer. No where does it say kindness is conditional on the calendar.
Maybe that's why I can't find my holiday spirit...maybe I manage to keep it all year round. Ok, that's bragging and simply not true! But I do try...and I think we all should too.
I challenge you...give like you do during the holidays all year round. Have that same compassion in the summer as you do in winter. Love all year and love well! I think our world would change if we held the whole year as a time of joy and celebration, instead of just a couple of months. Let us remember each day, each life, each moment is precious...no matter where, when or how we find ourselves!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Leadership Psalm...Psalm 2
This Psalm makes me uneasy. I'm not sure if it is supposed to, and I'm not sure if it is supposed to bring me comfort. These 12 verses almost feel like a "nener-nener" kind of story.
I feel conflicted about this Psalm, and maybe that's a sign that I've fallen off the track. Maybe I need to get to the root of my unease. I just don't like the idea of poking our world leaders in the eye with the knowledge that God is laughing at them. At the same time I don't like the idea that world leaders are spitting on my God. (or trying to) I'm not sure what the right answer is here.
Why do the nations conspire against God? I think it's base human nature. One of the hardest things about Christianity is the knowledge that you are not the greatest, that you are not in charge and that you have to take orders from someone else. Being humble, being a servant, being less is not popular in any timeframe in human history. And I think sometimes, those in power forget where they came from. That saying about power...Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely...is true. It takes true power and courage to submit to a higher authority.
Verses 8 and 9 make me uneasy too...maybe it's because I really don't have anyone set against me. Maybe because I'm not in bondage to a government or people. I'm going to be honest though, I don't want to own nations...I don't want to own the earth. I don't want to shatter those who are my enemy (or could be my enemy). These verses are violent and I'm not sure I'm supposed to be happy about this. There is a kind of glee in these verses and it makes me uneasy.
Verses 10-12 are largely ignored by the majority of earthly leaders. Especially here in the US. I think we have forgotten that He has wrath, I think we have forgotten the He can destroy us in a blink. I think we have forgotten that we are not the greatest! It's rare to see a humble leader...namely because humble is no longer something that is looked at with desire.
Blessed are all who take refuge in Him. That's my favorite and only comfortable part of this Psalm for me.
I feel conflicted about this Psalm, and maybe that's a sign that I've fallen off the track. Maybe I need to get to the root of my unease. I just don't like the idea of poking our world leaders in the eye with the knowledge that God is laughing at them. At the same time I don't like the idea that world leaders are spitting on my God. (or trying to) I'm not sure what the right answer is here.
Why do the nations conspire against God? I think it's base human nature. One of the hardest things about Christianity is the knowledge that you are not the greatest, that you are not in charge and that you have to take orders from someone else. Being humble, being a servant, being less is not popular in any timeframe in human history. And I think sometimes, those in power forget where they came from. That saying about power...Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely...is true. It takes true power and courage to submit to a higher authority.
Verses 8 and 9 make me uneasy too...maybe it's because I really don't have anyone set against me. Maybe because I'm not in bondage to a government or people. I'm going to be honest though, I don't want to own nations...I don't want to own the earth. I don't want to shatter those who are my enemy (or could be my enemy). These verses are violent and I'm not sure I'm supposed to be happy about this. There is a kind of glee in these verses and it makes me uneasy.
Verses 10-12 are largely ignored by the majority of earthly leaders. Especially here in the US. I think we have forgotten that He has wrath, I think we have forgotten the He can destroy us in a blink. I think we have forgotten that we are not the greatest! It's rare to see a humble leader...namely because humble is no longer something that is looked at with desire.
Blessed are all who take refuge in Him. That's my favorite and only comfortable part of this Psalm for me.
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